Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

Second Spouse ~ Lifestyler and Biker

Posted on: January 31, 2010

     I have talked with many people in the lifestyle.  As friends, potential playmates, and some just wanting my advice on a subject of the Lifestyle because I’ve been in it for a million years (yes, I am that old). And a few times folks and I have discussed being the second…or third or fourth spouse in some people’s cases… someone that you are now in the lifestyle with.  Does this seem to enhance your new or current marriage? Were you in the lifestyle with a previous partner? Is the sex better with whom you are with now? All of these questions have come up in the course of conversation.  I can only speak on my experience and relate what others have told me about theirs.

     I have only been married 4 months to my husband. It’s not the first for either of us. In one regard though, we share a commonality. Neither of our previous spouses were lifestylers. And on an even more interesting level, my husband and I are different “kind” of lifestylers.

      I have been a swinger for about 12 or 13 years.  I’m not going to count the times in the service that I played around as a third to a couple of couples. When I say that I’ve been a swinger for those several years, I mean that I have acknowledged it as part of my life. I’ve openly admitted to it and self-described myself as a swinger. The hubby has not. He comes from the Biker lifestyle. And trust me when I tell you, the two are VERY different.

     As a swinger, we have certain guidelines that we go by.  All the clubs that we visit have posted rules that apply to behavior and dress code.  What is allowed and not allowed by the management. And to tell the truth, the women of the swinger lifestyle make those rules. They are put into place for our protection and our pleasure. And I feel that’s the way that it should be. But I may be biased or greedy….take your pick…lol  Single men are accepted in most places, but singles in general are assigned a place in the lifestyle.  Having been a single female in the lifestyle, I can speak on where those places are. For the woman….usually a very nice place in the choice column of couples.  For the single man, also welcome by a lot of couples, but also avoided by many as well. And there are some couples that don’t enjoy the single female.  And it’s all good. Everyone can usually find what they are looking for on any given evening if they factor in the time, place, alcohol, availability, and mood of the evening. Again, like I said though, the decisions that are made for the “fun” of the evening are made by the female part of a couple or the single female on her own.  I’ve been around the swinging lifestyle for so long that I just kind of take this all for granted.  And then I met my husband.

     I ride motorcycles. I have all my life. My Dad was a member of a motorcycle club way back in the 40’s.  He rode a big Harley, but also owned every other kind of bike that you could name. He taught all of us to ride, and didn’t care that I never had a formal license.  Said he thought it would keep me safer that way…lol  My husband and I met on a biker’s dating service. We both rode, and had both been in the military, so these were our first attraction points I guess you could say.  Since we have been married, I have learned a great deal about what it is like to be in a motorcycle club.  And it’s not like what my Dad describe.  That is for sure.  Especially the 1% clubs.  These are the hard core bikers. Power means everything to these men.  Status and their ranking in the club is like a sacred right. Women are not allowed to be members.  In fact, women are used and discarded by members regularly.  If a woman asks for a ride on the back of a man that doesn’t have anyone with him that day…whether he is married and the wife is just at home that day or not….she is agreeing to be used by that man….and any of his friends that he may wish to share her with.  The parties that my husband has described to me were enough to make me turn away in disgust. I could no more have been a part of that kind of activity than I could to sit in the middle of a room and pour gasoline over the top of my head and strike a match.. NOT because of the sexual activity that went on there.  If I haven’t seen it happen in the swinger lifestyle, it probably hasn’t been invented yet.  But there are no rules with the bikers. The men take what they want, do as they please.  And even THAT doesn’t make me cringe as much as you’d think.  Most men….anywhere….. will do exactly what you let them get a way with.  It’s only natural.  It’s the women that surprise me.  But before I go any further, let me make this one thing perfectly clear.  Other’s peoples choices are just that… THEIR choices.  And everyone is free to do as they please in this world as long as they are willing to pay the consequences.  That’s always been my philosophy.  That being said, I could never ever imagine myself just letting men “have me”. Maybe it’s because I am a control freak.  Maybe because I’ve been a victim of a violent crime. (another blog sometime), but I just don’t think I could ever allow it.  I’m like most women in the fact that the thought of a gang bang under the right conditions and in a controlled atmosphere is something that I would consider, but not the way that my husband has described the orgies and gang bangs in the biker clubs.  And if a high-ranking member decides that the “ol lady” of one of the members should “reward” someone, it’s common for her to do it without question. NO WAY could I do that.  And to be honest here,  I can’t even say that I applaud the women that can do that.  The only way that I can justify it in my mind, is that it must feed some kind of need to be dominated for these women.  And that is all I can say on that.  Until I get the chance to sit down with one of these women and ask her. Hell, I may have already met and talked with one of these biker women and not even known it. Because again, it’s a lifestyle choice.  And she may be just like me, or my kid’s teacher or anyone else on the street the rest of the time that she isn’t on the back of  a bike.

     Needless to say, my husband and I have had to compare a lot of notes and rules since we have been together. I am lucky because he is a very gentle and sweet man already.  And a true gentleman. Don’t get me wrong though…. he can be tough as they come.  You don’t make it out of combat in Viet Nam purely by luck. But we have had some interesting pillow talk since we’ve been married.

     And just to give  you something else to think about, neither of our ex spouses knew ANY of this stuff about either of us.  That should be my next blog……




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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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