Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

Chemistry

Posted on: February 13, 2010

The word chemistry is thrown around all over the internet and in blogs  as well as the dating websites that I’ve been on.  Even on the swingers sites.  Everyone acknowledges the importance of  chemistry.  Some think that chemistry happens when you look across a room and see someone that you think is attractive or interesting. Well, to me, that is just attraction on a very basic level. Our eyes are the first receptor when it comes to feeding information to our “biggest” sex organ – our brain. But to me, chemistry; real chemical attraction happens when the eyes are closed. In fact I like to take my eyes out of the equation. Smell is my first receptor. I still receive the same signals from my body…usually the making of a grin, then a blush, then an increase in respiration, moistness in the nether regions….well you get the point.

I believe chemistry is with us all the time, but we don’t realize what it is until we finally meet someone that triggers it. And although the person that triggers it may or may not remain in our life,  long after any kind of a relationship has ended the chemistry goes on. Why do you hear about people that are together and break up, then get back together time and time again for very short periods of time? They may have fundamental personality issues that they will never be able to compromise on.  But that pesky chemistry is still there.

I didn’t embrace my full immersion into this belief about the chemical signals between humans until I had my son. I had never taken any extended time off from working a regular job since I’d turned 16. But I did take a year and a half off to be pregnant and give birth. My husband was away in Saudi Arabia and I had our home to myself. What a truly glorious time. I had a text-book perfect pregnancy. I was never sick a day, only craved broccoli and cheese and didn’t gain too much weight. My skin was flawless and I glowed just like the books say. My hair got thick and soft and shiny. Only got one or two small stretch marks and my breasts got full and gorgeous. Did I mention that I was in a constant state of arousal? I was so turned on by the changes in my body and of course  that  flood of hormones into my system contributed to the fact that I could barely go without masturbating 2 or 3 times a day.

When my husband returned from overseas in time for our son’s birth it was a very happy time for us. He had to leave just two weeks after the birth so I sent him to the store to stock up on supplies for the baby and myself before he left. We lived out in the country and it was wintertime so I wanted to be ready to be shut in for a while. After he left – and I hate to admit this, but I couldn’t wait for him to leave…and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t wait to be alone with the baby. I only wanted to care for him. There were days upon days that I rarely left my bedroom except to get something to eat or drink for myself. I would lay in the bed with the baby, nursing him, and smelling him, and licking him like some kind of a mother animal would do. I knew every inch of his body. He was always within a foot of me. He slept in a cradle next to my bed. I would sometimes lie on the floor next to him so I could listen to him breathe. To this day…and my son is 17 I can still remember the smells and tastes of that innocent little baby.

After that,  years or so later, I started to notice that if I was especially drawn to a person, male or female, I would try to analyze the feeling. Was it because of how they looked? Was it more than that? I would catch myself wanting to touch them while I was talking to them. Or if I wasn’t attracted to them for whatever reason that I didn’t understand, I would find myself crossing my arms in a defensive-like way.

My husband and I had divorced years before and I had moved home to Cincinnati to be near family. And then I met a man.  And I learned very quickly what it meant when I had heard the phrase – he’s in my blood. We were together for 4 years. It has been almost 4 years ago that we broke up. He used to laugh at me at times. I wanted to lay behind him spooning and just breathe him in and rub his back. I loved his strong arms. The way he smelled even after working all day. His sweat was like a nectar to me. When he kissed me I wanted to climb inside of him. I would literally crush my body to his trying to meld myself to him.

When he wasn’t with me I was constantly looking for him out the window. Even when I knew when he would be back. My hands felt empty. I would touch myself and pretend I was him. I could orgasm just closing my eyes and remembering what the sex was like.

I spent every dime I had making him happy. I would spend hours preparing meals that I knew he liked. I would dress the most pleasing to him. I massaged and rubbed him after work. Anything for the chance to touch him. I loved to bathe him and exfolliate his skin in the shower with sea salts and oils. He would let me shave him. I pampered him for the mere reason that I craved him…his maleness completed me.

When we broke up it took 2 years for me to get over it. At first we talked on the phone. But the sound of his voice would make me ache inside. I finally had to stop any contact with him. Now it doesn’t hurt. Now I can look at the time we were together and see the good and bad that there was.

But the one thing that I took away from the relationship was the knowledge of what real true chemistry was.  I knew I wanted that again. And I would never settle for less. I waited a long time and met many men that I have liked, dated, and had sex with.  But none of them fulfilled that place that had to be filled in my heart and head and senses.  Then I met my husband and I knew the first time that we kissed.  In my head, I heard myself say “Welcome Home”.

I hope you have that kind of chemistry with someone.  That is my Valentines Day wish for you.

peace

Cinnamon

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

Blog Stats

  • 6,239 hits
Find Me On BlogFrog!

Grab My Button

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!
Copy this code to your website to display this banner!
Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 116 other followers

~~ What I’m Tweeting Right Now ~~

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Share This Blog

Bookmark and Share

Follow me on Twitter

Follow CinfulCinnamon on Twitter
%d bloggers like this: