Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

~~~Skeletons and Discretion~~~

Posted on: April 7, 2010

     My son is at that wonderful “blackmailable” age.  His looks, and the way he is perceived by his peers is so important to him.  Before anyone can come to the house; all baby pictures or things that he has given or made me over the years must be put out of sight.  I am to make no mention of anything that he did as a child.  And heaven forbid I actually try to talk to his friends.  It would be totally uncool for me to try to talk and be cool.  Oh no, that can not happen.  It makes me smile to myself and sometimes a little sad to know that the generational lines have now been drawn and I am only allowed to cross them on his terms.

     This got my mind to think of all the things that we do to preserve confidences.  Either for ourselves or when trusted by others to hold those confidences.  And is there an expiration date on confidences?  And does it depend on the degree of the secret that you’re keeping?  If it’s not something that would change the world, does it matter who really knows?  Now I ask all these questions, not because I have any doubts about where my stand is on this issue.  But I was struck some time ago when I asked a somewhat similar question on one of the websites.  I wanted to know if you could buy honesty.  And what I was asking was very simple.  To me of course the answer is no.  You can’t.  It’s something that is in a person or it isn’t.  But one of the answers that someone gave was rather telling in itself.  It seemed that this person felt that you couldn’t buy honesty, but if you decided that the person wasn’t honest anymore, then you were entitled to not only change your opinion of them, but you could also go about tearing down any reputation that the person might have with others.  Really?  So, we are all free to be judge,  jury,  and character assassin?  Even if the accusations are false?  I’ve thought on this and thought on it.  And have my opinion on it, but this blog is on another question.  When is it ok to reveal confidences?  What if you aren’t sure they are confidences?  And more importantly, what if you are never asked to keep the confidence?  What if it was just implied?  Because at the time, you and the person that you were speaking  with were on good terms.  You thought that they were your friend and didn’t mean you any harm.  And vice versa.

     In the lifestyle, we meet new people all the time.  We hope to get to know them in a few emails, or a phone call or two before we meet.  We might actually feel comfortable enough to share information with almost total strangers.  A good dinner, some alcohol to put us at ease, and the next thing you know….people are talking about others that they’ve met, or have in common.  One person mentions something that someone else may have said, and then the gossiping begins.  Do you know when to draw the line?  When have you said too much?  And what kind of harm have you done whether intentionally or un-intentionally to someone else?

     I try very hard to stay neutral with people.  It has been somewhat of a blessing/curse that people have a tendency to tell me things.  Even things that I don’t ask about or want to know have sometimes been dumped in my lap.  So, I have always tried to remember that while the person was telling me something, they may have been under stress, or just needed someone to listen to them complain about someone or some other situation that they were involved with.  When meeting potential play partners, or even friends, I let everyone start with a clean slate.  Sure, the lifestyle is a small pond and paths are going to cross.  But just because I do or don’t have a good time with someone doesn’t mean that the next person that they meet will feel the same.  I never comment on sexual ability or lack of.  And I will only say something positive IF I CAN.  Otherwise, its neutral.  I don’t carry gossip.  I only speak from my own experience.  If I am done wrong and am asked about it, I will only tell you of my experience.  Same with a good time. No details, just an overall experience “feeling”.  And if in a close or nice moment, if we share confidences on personal matters, they won’t go any farther.  I think that sometimes others forget that.  And unfortunately, they have forgotten some things that they’ve said to me.  Things that I know,  you wouldn’t want others to know. 

     It’s tough to know when to trust.  And we are all humans, and sometimes trust too easily.  I certainly have, and know others have too.  We all must maintain respect.  Especially in the lifestyle.  Because we don’t know who knows who.  Try to keep clean skeletons.  And if you’ve trusted someone with information, remember……..that is a two-way street.  As far as my son goes, let’s just say I will save the baby pictures for the girl he brings home that he’s REALLY serious about.  Yeah….that will work !  LOL




2 Responses to "~~~Skeletons and Discretion~~~"

Hey miss Cinnful, You can’t be working you spend to much time writing this blog. I bet you miss my daily visits. Just wanted to put a bug in your ear and not so much a comment.

Hey there Paul. Yes, I miss your visits, but not the job. Hope all is well with you. Thanks for stopping by the blog.

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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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