Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

~~~~Running Away~~~~

Posted on: July 6, 2010

     I’ve never been very good at running away.  I’ve tried a few times, but it always seemed that whatever I was running away from would somehow find me.  Maybe I left subliminal “crumbs” for my problem to find me, or perhaps I just suck at the escape mode.  We are all born with the “fight or flight”instinct for survival.  It’s what helps to ensure that we will be around to screw up again tomorrow.  If you’re the slow poke in the herd, and don’t react swiftly enough in times of trial….you end up as the lunch for the tiger, or the scapegoat of management.  Sometimes, it’s not the easiest thing to do….choosing which path to take.  We are all scared little kids sometimes and that’s ok.  There are times in our lives when we need someone to be strong for us.  There are big things that happen to us that we just can’t understand or accept without help.  The trick is deciding which battles you can fight on your own, or which ones you need a backup army for, or which ones you should just skip altogether.  Usually, there are only a very few seconds in which to decide.  And the response that you choose must be one that you can live with.  Standing tall and proud sometimes is a very lonely thing.  No matter how right you are it can still hurt to think that you may have made the wrong decision to fight or to run.  Only your heart knows for sure.  The head sometimes will lead you astray.  I mean look at all the times our head has gotten us into the problem in the first place.  They say to always trust your gut.  That’s a whole lot closer to your heart than it is to your head.  And yet sometimes we try to apply logic when there really is no logic to apply.

     People are an investment.  One that we can only hope will pay the dividend of a good return on our investment.  What we put into the relationship, we hope to get out of it in return.  Doesn’t always happen though.  Like the slot machines at the casinos.  The house is built on the odds that it will take in more than it pays out.  Some people are like that.  They take and take and give little in the “pay out” mode.  If we are lucky, we run across a few “loose” slots in life and they will shower us with the love and attention that we need.  I’ve gotten lucky a few times in my life.  And those folks are still a part of my life now.  They may not physically be here…..like my friends and family that live so far away.  Or my parents…..who are both deceased.  But they live in my heart, and are only a thought away when I have a problem.  These people are my “loose slots”.  I can close my eyes and see and feel my army.  They are the ones that have helped to hone my instincts for fighting or running away.  Knowing how I look to them gives me the strength that I need.

     There have also been many casinos in my life.  The ones that suck the life and energy out of me.  Who take with no intention of a return.  But again, we must learn from these people.  The lessons may be rough, but the knowledge we gain is worth that pain.

     I ran away from home only one time.  My Dad told me that I had too many animals and one of the horses had to go. I couldn’t imagine such a thing.  How could you EVER have too many horses?  Then again, I wasn’t the one paying the bills.  So I packed a lunch and took all three of my horses and ran away.  At first it was exciting.  I left very early in the morning.  The sun was barely coming up. I rode one and led the other two.  I didn’t bring water so that became my first issue.  Had a nice dry peanut butter and jelly sandwich though.  Didn’t help matters either.  I would stop for a while, let the horses graze and then travel on.  It was hot….issue two.  I stayed in the woods to stay cool and to stay hidden.  Somehow I thought someone would come looking for me.  Ha !  I got bored after a few hours.  And hungry.  And then when evening came and I was about 5 miles I guess away from home (but really only on the property of some of our neighbors 2 farms over) I started thinking about where I would sleep.  The horses must have wondered that too.  I hadn’t brought any rope to tie them out and nothing for me to sleep on.  Told you I sucked at running away.  And then the coup de grâce was when I began to think about the punishment I’d get when I had to go home.  I was terribly mad when I’d left the house.  And didn’t think it out too much and realized I did have to go back.  Geesh, I knew Dad would get the switch out for my ass.  It was time to decide what I wanted to do.  Go home and take the punishment, or stay gone and starve to death.  I ain’t the sharpest blade in the drawer, but I do get by….I rode to the neighbors and asked if I could use the phone.  Called my Mom, and in typical “Betty” fashion she said, ” Oh, are you gone?”.  Then she asked to speak to the neighbor.  After a few laughs and yeses and no’s, they hung up.  It was decided that I would spend the night there and ride home in the morning.  I was relieved.  But didn’t get much sleep.  And the ride the next day was really fun.  I felt like I was riding into the mouth of the tiger.  One thing I can say about my folks.  They knew how to instill fear.  My imagination was worse than anything they could come up with for punishment.  When I arrived the next day, worn out and dirty I got sent to clean up.  The lecture came after dinner.  And the punishment was not so bad.  I still had to sell one horse, but after apologizing profusely, and promising never to do it again it was over.  It was many years later that I realized that Mom had called the neighbors and told them to be on the look out for me and to let her know how I was.  Lesson learned.

     So running away is good.  It gives us a chance to think.  A time to decide what is more important to us.  And it helps to mold our inner core beliefs and values.  Then when those times of “fight or flight” smack us in the face……we know which to choose, and we have our army and our arsenal on hand.

peace,

Cinnamon

oh, and p.s.  I’m not saying any of my friends are LOOSE….well, maybe some of them are.  LOL   Love you guys !!!

 

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1 Response to "~~~~Running Away~~~~"

Good blog! I tried to run away once – my mother helped me pack and wished me luck – lesson learned. They say that you can run but you can’t hide but that depends on what you’re trying to run and hide from and, really, you can’t escape yourself. Sometimes you have no choice but to stand and fight and whatever happen, happens. Yeah, the wise man knows when to retreat and regroup but running away only delays the inevitable.

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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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