Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

~~~~~~Settling For Less~~~~~~

Posted on: July 15, 2010

     My good friend Kdaddy23  and I love to read each other’s blogs.  We are usually going in totally different directions in our writings, but sometimes we feed off of each other.  Something I might say catches his attention and a new blog is spurred.  Same with his blogs for me.  Yesterday, I wrote a post asking if you were happy with the crumbs in life.  He left me this part of his  comment which planted the seed for today’s posting: ” Sometimes, some of nothing is better than none of something.”   I’d like to explore that a little here today.

     I know that I’m not alone when I say that sometimes settling for something less than what you really want is a necessary evil.  That’s why there are sayings like:  He has champagne taste on a beer barrel budget. No matter how much we’d like to be driving that Mercedes, unless we have the monetary ass to back that desire up….it isn’t going to happen.  All of my life, when forced to make concessions on things, it has just about always been about money.  I’ve lived in fixer upper houses (until now), I’ve driven second-hand cars most of the time.  Ninety percent of the clothing and shoes that I own are what I would call “previously loved”.  Rarely, have I been the first to own any of my possessions.  Even my friends were friends with other people before I met them…lol.  In many ways, I am proud of the fact that my life has had these kind of hurdles in them.  I have always had the ability to take the crappiest apartment or house and make it charming.  Not with big, new expensive things, but with my collections of eclectic junk I’ve gathered over the years. Every knick knack or painting or picture is something I can look at and tell you the story of how I acquired it.  Friends and family alike will also tell you that I don’t mind giving stuff away.  Afterall, if it made me happy when I got it, I hope it will do the same for them. And besides, it’s just stuff.  And stuff can be replaced.  When it comes to stuff….there’s very little that I make a fuss about.  I will only purchase good toilet paper, and only the best bread that I can afford.  And when I can afford it, I like good makeup and cosmetics for my skin. I love expensive wine, but I’ve been known to drink it from the box, or the “brown paper bag decanter” too. So, I consider myself pretty liberal in most things material.  But here is where I do draw my line in the sand.

     I have been married a couple of times (the number is still a small one, but embarrassing still). Because of how I was raised to believe that I should be the best wife and mother that I could be, I have made many many compromises when it came to my career possibilities, my sexual needs, and my emotional well-being.  I gave up opportunities while in the military in order to stay with my husband, including staying in until retirement.  While out, I still worked full-time, but gave up career advancements so that I could be a good wife and then mother.  The list goes on and on and I won’t bore you with it.  Those were my choices at the time, and I made them and lived with the consequences.  But over the years I caught myself becoming bitter and angry at the people I was supposed to love.  And it all came from one fact.  I had settled.  Settled into a life I wasn’t happy in.  Settled for the “good” man, when I wanted to date the “bad boy” or the daredevil type.  At the time that I should have been living it up, I was in a rut.  I’ve always been the wild one in the family.  There isn’t anything in my life that I would change except that one thing.  Settling for less than what I really wanted.  And yet, even now I know that the choices that I made back then made me the person that I am today.  So, for that I am grateful. 

     After my divorce in 1997 I took stock in the way I had lived my life.  I embraced the fact that I wasn’t a straight Catholic girl.  I liked women too.  And so I lived with one or two for many years.  But I missed men.  And I had a son to raise.  Again, many times that I wanted to do something….I didn’t.  I would never compromise my son’s well-being for some simple pleasure that I wanted for myself.  But then, it was MY choice to do those things or not do them.  I didn’t have someone else telling me what I should or shouldn’t do.  There were no expectations to live up to.  Only my own moral compass to lead me.  I written time and time again about the relationship I had with my parents. It was a good one and I loved them dearly.  It came as quite a shock one day last year when it dawned on me that now that they were both gone I could move or do or say whatever I wanted to. As the oldest of four, and yet the one who had been more places and held more jobs and all that, I still somewhat TRIED to live the way that my folks wanted.  After all that I had done and seen while living abroad the greatest thing I had ever done….in my Mom’s eyes was have my son.  I shook my head at that comment at the time, but then realized a few years later, that in fact, it was the greatest compliment my Mother could have given me.  That was something that mattered the most to her and she bestowed that praise on me.

     The most unhappy I have ever been is when I have not compromised, but settled.  A compromise is totally different from settling for something less than what you want.  I’ve done that time and time again in my life only to regret it.  When you compromise you are giving up part of your control of something.  Giving it to someone  or something else but maintaining most of what you originally want.  When you settle, you are giving up any hope of a semblance of the inital dream.  I’ve done it.  Gone against my own conscience, given in to others, made their life easier while making myself miserable.  And it’s cost me dearly.  My affiliation with a past establishment was the most glaring example of not listening to my friends, or my own heart.  I settled.  And we see how it turned out.  Evil prevailed. Well, at least Evil thinks it’ prevailed….LOL 

     The guys that I dated and married had nothing in common with the person that I am now.  And maybe that’s why; when I met my hubby and realized that I was free to move to be with him, I knew it was the right decision.  I got a guy that shared my military history, loved to ride, and enjoys other things with me.  It’s still pretty new, and sometimes we have to work out the kinks….but some of the kinks are good ones…lol   And I wasn’t settling. He accepted me.  On my own merits, with no expectations of making me into something else.  And loves me just the way that I am…..A Compromise in Perfection !!!

peace,

Cinnamon

    

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1 Response to "~~~~~~Settling For Less~~~~~~"

There are times, love, when the decisions you have to make ain’t the ones you want to take – you play the hand you’re dealt. But, if you’re doing the dealing, well, why not stack the deck in your favor if and when you can? I would! It’s not really about settling, Cin – it’s really about doing the best you can with what you have. We take this as a bad thing but at every turn, where there’s life, there’s hope.

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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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