Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

~~~Giving My Son Away~~~

Posted on: August 31, 2010

     Not really, although it sure feels that way.  My son is 17 years old and up until now has spent every school year with me.  Up until this year, I was always the “bad guy” that made him eat the veggies, do the homework, ground him when he misbehaved.  While his Dad, my ex, was the “good-time Charlie” during the summer.  That was the arrangement that we made in the divorce.  My son’s father chose to stay in another state to work and be with wife number 5.  Many times over the 13 years that we have been divorced I’ve told him he needed a new hobby.  That marrying just about everyone that he slept with wasn’t a good idea. But that’s not my point.  He couldn’t do the traditional every other weekend thing for visitation, so we worked out another schedule.  I would have our son for the 9 months that he was in school and Tim (my ex) would have him for the summer.  That worked out pretty well for all concerned.  Although for the first 2 or 3 weeks after my son would come home, I’d have to hear about how great of a time he had with his dad.  That part got old.  And how, just about April; my son and I would start to get on each other’s nerves.  Cabin fever would set in.  Summer was coming and we both needed a break from each other.  And he would go to his dad’s after school was out, and it would be heavenly for the first two weeks, and then I would start to miss him and couldn’t wait for him to come back. 

     Each beginning of the summer visit I would give Tim one task that I wanted him to work with his son on for the summer.  When Jesse was small, it was get him potty trained over the summer, then the next it was teach him to tie his shoes.  As he got older, teach him to mow the grass, or keep his room clean.  And last summer when Jesse was 16, I wanted him to help teach him to drive.  None of these things ever got done.  I always got a baby back that was still wetting his pants, and had gym shoes with velcro flaps instead of laces.  He just learned to use a riding mower from my new husband.  And I just got his learners permit to drive before going to his dad’s.  Well, I made the decision that it was time for Jesse’s dad to step up.  I told them both that Jesse would be staying in Virginia for this last school year.  And his dad would teach him to drive and get some work ethic instilled in him before he turned 18 in December.  I stomped, and yelled, and screamed foul and they both agreed that it was time they spent more time together.

     School starts next week in Virginia.  And I miss my son.  I’m in Florida.  I won’t get to take him clothes shopping or school supply shopping this year.  We won’t get to fight over what classes he is going to take.  No more yelling about his clothes being everywhere, and why hasn’t he taken the dogs outside when they are both doing the “pee dance”.  It’s quiet here now with just my husband and I.   I don’t get to holler at Jesse to turn his music down, or to stop yelling at his friends over the X box live games.  But now there’s no reason to set my alarm to get up early so I can make his lunch for him or ask what he wants for dinner.  Or say, “Not pizza again!”

     It’s pretty safe to say I miss him.  But we both have some growing up to do.  And there are just some things he can’t learn from Mom.




7 Responses to "~~~Giving My Son Away~~~"

That sucks and I’m not sure if such things are harder on the children or, in your case, you having to deal with the separation issue when he’s away from you. It’s something I have no personal experience with; I didn’t leave my first wife until after our children were all grown so I never had to deal with playing ping-pong with them because of custody and all the other crap that goes along with this. Still, you have my sympathies in this…

Oh boy did this ring a bell. My son and I had the same problems and when he left last year I didn’t realise how much that distance would heal the void and wounds that had formed. We are now closer and happier. He has grown up and we have become friends. I’m sure the same will be the case for you even though it’s tough to go through it. xx

Thank you Carol. Knowing I’m not alone helps alot. He’s my only child and most of the time I’m convinced that I did everything wrong. Wish those babies came with instruction manuals…lol Thanks for the comment.

That’s rough! I’m just adjusting to being alone during the kindergarten day. This teenage stuff is a scary future that I’m happy to keep far, far away.

Seems the more you get done while they are out of the house….the more you miss them… Thanks Joey

I feel like we have parallel lives, Ms. Cinn. I’ve just completed a move to Florida, leaving my son behind in Georgia with his father. It’s not what I want; I’d give my right arm to have the kid (he’s 15) with me in St. Augustine.

I appreciate what you have to say, though. There are some things boys just need from their daddies.

I couldn’t agree more. Even though on some beer drenched evenings I was sure I could pee standing up !!! Thank you again.

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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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