Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

The Myth of Immortality

Posted on: September 6, 2016

I just celebrated my 59th birthday last Saturday.  I am in almost perfect health.  Aside from the occasional aches and pains that come with age, I’ve been lucky enough to be untouched by any illness or infirmity that one might expect to have happened to someone of my age.  People that have known me for a long time like to chide me about the fact that the only surgeries that I’ve had have been elective.  Not totally true, but pretty close.  I’m fond of saying that if I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.  That’s also only partially true.  I still enjoy my wine, and I don’t exercise nearly as much as I should, love my tanning bed, and do ride motorcycles; which everyone knows makes you a candidate for the looney bin.  But all in all, I have no complaints.  But I am noticing that more and more of the people that I know and care about haven’t been as fortunate as I have.  One friend was diagnosed with Stage two breast cancer, and to avoid any future problems because of her family history, decided to opt for a double mastectomy.   I just spoke to another friend on the phone who is much younger than I am that has been diagnosed with MS.  So, needless to say, my mind has gone down the rabbit hole of “what ifs, and  when’s”.  The when’s of course being, “When is this shit going to catch up with me?”  And “what if something does go wrong, how will I handle it?”  At this point in my life, I don’t have any insurance so I suppose I’ll just deed my body over to the science lab.  They should have fun with that!  Here’s the thing though:

We spend most of our life in a state of denial.  We don’t ever think that we will get sick or hurt.  We are young and strong and invincible.  That disease and illness is for the old people.  Then, magically, after we pollute our bodies enough, and take enough chances on the road of life, we find out that we have moved into the “killing zone”.  That time in our lives when the people that we love start to die around us.  At first, it’s usually grandparents.  They die of old age if they are lucky.  Then the number of people in our circle gets a little bit smaller.  We hear about this friend or relative that we used to know really well; and may have done some of our crazy shit with.  They’ve died.  Been in an accident, or gotten a disease and passed away.  Usually, we write these people off as a fluke.  We say that they probably were at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Or maybe they had some kind of a gene in their family that caused the illness.  But it still couldn’t happen to us.  No way!  The next wave takes our parents.  That is when the shit really gets real.  Now we are the generation “up to bat”.  We’re the ones with the kids that are growing up or are grown.  You start feeling those little aches and pains.  And worse yet, you begin to talk about them.  With other people too.  Comparing aches and pains and remedies of same.  I remember the first time my sister started telling me about something that was bothering her.  She sounded so much like our Mother and Grandmother had sounded that I had to call her out on it.  “You sound just like Mom!”  Listen to older people and that is what most of their conversations revolve around.  Their health.  What drugs they are on……and no longer the recreational kind I might add.  What doctors they are seeing, when their next appointment to see this specialist or the next specialist is.  All so tedious to the listener, but it’s their life.  At least what is left of it.

But when you hear about someone your own age that has been cut down in what we always consider the “prime of life”, or has been given the bad news from the doctor that they have this or that, you realize that all the days of carefree worry are behind you.  That circle is getting smaller still, but we still think it can’t touch us……although I have caught the red dot out of the corner of my eye when I thought the target was on me.

But when you hear of family and friends that are younger than you are, that are dying and getting sick, well that’s when it starts to cross our mind more and more that it’s only a matter of time until it’s your turn.  You start taking care of yourself.  Maybe take a few more supplements, maybe join a gym, stop eating so much, or drinking so much.  And at first, all you talk about is all the good stuff you’re doing for your health.  How much safer you are driving.  Give up the extreme sports.  Maybe get a three-wheeler if you still ride.  All kinds of things that you think might keep that target off your back.  Then your kids start calling you Gramps or Gram because now they have kids.  That circle of life thing is starting to feel like a noose.  You really do think that if you step off a curb too hard you might break a hip.  The seeds of doubt and fear have been planted.  By your kids.  By your friends.  Even by the lawsuit attorneys on the television.   If you’ve got a spouse you start asking if any of those lawsuits apply to you.  Did you ever take that drug?  Or do we have enough life insurance?  Crap.  The bucket list of things you want to do gets brought up and discussed more.  Will there be time?  Is this cold I have the start of some new kind of bubonic plague? When’s the last time you thought about burial or cremation arrangements?  Double crap.

All these thoughts have filled my mind lately.  And that’s how it starts.  In 356 days I will turn 60.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about what kind of HUGE party I’d like to have.  Turning 60 is a pretty big deal right?  Now I just hope that I will be attending that party.  The mind is a funny thing.  One minute, you’re twelve years old, jumping out of the top of the barn.  The next, you’re planning your sixtieth birthday and wondering how many of your friends will be able to attend.  Should you serve alcohol, and weed?  Or will their prescribed meds keep them stoned enough?

Hope I’m around to report on the party plans.  Ha-ha…..of course I will be.  I’m immortal.

Peace,

Cinnamon

 

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Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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