Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

Archive for the ‘About Me Stuff….Past and Present’ Category

   

  I’ve been on somewhat of  a tear this week after finding out that there was to be a re-make of “The Wizard of Oz”.  Not the kind of remake that Michael Jackson and Diana Ross and others did with “The Wiz”.  No, this is to be a total re-make.  And it broke my heart.  There are some things that are just perfect the way that they are.  And this movie is one of those things.  Yes, of course they can add special effects, and new, more popular actors and actresses.  That is not the part that bothers me.  It’s the “essence” of the movie that I feel will be lost.  And all the feelings that I had when watching this classic that will be lost.

     My Mom told me about the first time that she saw TWOO.  She was a young girl and got to see it for the very first time on the big screen at a movie theatre.  Before then, she had never seen a colorized film.  I can still see the light in her eyes when she described the way she felt when Dorothy opens that door and the Land of Oz was in color.  Holding onto the memories of my Mom is very important to me.  She’s only been gone a little over a year and a half so I am trying to always think about the good times I shared with her.  And that doesn’t even account for all the joy the movie gave myself and my siblings each year around Easter, when it would come on t.v. and we would all sit around being amazed, and singing with the songs.  Now its shown on t.v. a million times a month and it’s lost it’s “magic”.  But this is only part of the reason that I think a re-make would ruin this movie. 

     The lessons that were taught in the movie may be duplicated in the new version; and maybe for a new generation it will be the first time that these lessons could be taught.  I hope so.  Because the things that my generation and the one before got from TWOO are too important not to learn.  I’ve read some others’ take on “finding happiness in my own back yard“.   And I agree that it’s not meant literally.  Yes, you can travel and see the world, meet all kinds of people, and get your heart broke by any number of them.  To me; my own backyard is the place within my heart.  Making myself happy.  Not counting on others to do it for me.  No looking at the material things in my life to do the trick.  I have had money in my life.  I’ve also done without much more.  I will agree that the only thing that money can’t buy is poverty !!  And it may not buy happiness, but you can sure rent it for a while !!  But when it is all said and done, we are all still left with ourselves.  And how we choose to live our lives is what matters most and will bring us the most happiness.

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain”   What did this lesson teach you?  Don’t let anyone else pull your strings.  Be afraid of anyone that hides their intentions behind a “fake” persona.  They are really hiding their own imperfections and insecurities in order make themselves appear “larger than life”, to gain control, or force their will on others.  In this scene, Toto represents the “unmasking” of this kind of person.  And that sometimes, it’s someone small that is the un-doing of these “fakes”.  Yes, in the end The Wizard turned out to be a really cool guy.  But he had to be forced to be himself.  Allowed to let his true generosity and warm character come through. Lesson?  Don’t be afraid to come out from behind the curtain and just be yourself.

The munchkins?  Represent the “little things” in life that help or hinder us.  Hold us back, or help us on the way.  Don’t ignore them in either instance.

Oh, how I hate that they are re-doing this movie.  It feels to me like a re-write of my childhood.  And there is nothing about that I want to change…..only live again from time to time.

Have a heart, use your brain, and face life with courage.  And never forget to be thankful for what you have.

peace,

Cinnamon

Advertisements

FEAR–noun 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

     We have all been afraid at many times in our lives.  The degree of the fear, or the rationality of the fear varies; depending on the situation.  Some fear is authentic and it’s there to stimulate us to take some kind of action in order to save ourselves or our loved ones.  Some fear is only perceived; put there by our mind.  But it will also serve to stimulate us into some kind of action.  I won’t talk about real fear…..there would be no point in that.  We all know what to do if someone threatens us, or if we see an unfriendly dog approaching.  Or we know that we are going to get some bad news that there isn’t anything that we can do anything about.  These kind of situations will in themselves cause an instinctive “fight or flight” response from us…and Nature will take its course.  Here’s hoping you always have a pleasant outcome  of events. 

     What I’d like to talk about today are the things that people “perceive” as the threat, or the pain, or the evil that is headed their way.  And some of the things that they will do avoid dealing with their fear.  I am guilty of most of these things myself in all the years I’ve been on this planet, so I speak of which I know.

Fear of Committment:  Not just of relationships, but even the simple things as in: saying you are willing to contribute some time or effort to a charity event or something to do with your kid’s school.

We will slyly look away from the person asking for our help (quickly pulling something out of our “excuse bag” saying we have other commitments, or family obligation.  Work has been overwhelming lately and we just don’t have the time. Whatever it takes to get out of donating the time or effort.  This response is usually followed up by whipping out the checkbook or purse and asking how much they can contribute monetarily.

Fear of picking up the Phone:  Oh my God how hard this one is.  So, some time has passed and you haven’t spoken to someone in so long, and you are afraid you will have to spend hours catching up with someone.

So, we put it off, and put it off until we hope that we will just forget.  That rarely happens.  Especially if the person has meant something to us.  And maybe they call, you see it’s them on the caller ID and you avoid it.  Maybe you are busy at the moment and promise yourself that you will call back later.  But you don’t.  And you feel guilty.  Eventually both parties will forget, but isn’t it a shame that just a few minutes here and there could keep you in touch?

Fear of not being part of the “cool kids”:  I have seen this one happen more times than I care to remember.  This is one of the few that I can honestly say I haven’t been guilty of.  But some will go along with things that they know are not true, spread gossip that is not based on anything other than someone else’s jealousy just to stay in good with people that they think can help them somehow.

These folks will go along with the jokes, or the half-truths and act like stooges rather than stand up to the bully or the liar.  I can’t imagine what that feels like inside when your integrity gets eroded away a little at a time, just so you can be considered part of a crowd.  How very sad that there is so little backbone to go around.

     When people are afraid, they do really stupid things.  They make up stories, compounding lies, all in a desperate effort to avoid the truth.  Most fear is a feeling based on something that we only “think” will happen.  Our reations are the mechanism that we train ourself to deal with fear.  So, if someone’s reaction to their fear or jealousy is to  lie or avoid the truth that become part of their character. 

The first lie is hard, but as your character erodes, it becomes easier.  The hard part is keeping up with the lies. 

The first truth is also hard, especially if there are consequences for standing up and telling that truth.  But as your character becomes stronger, telling the truth becomes easier.

Don’t be afraid.  Don’t let fear make you do the wrong thing. Remember, “Fear is temporary, Regret is forever”.

peace,

Cinnamon

   

  ALL of us are guilty at one time or another of “selective” hearing.  Sometimes it comes from hoping or wanting to hear someone tell you what you want to hear.  If you have been hoping for good news, or waiting to find out something bad; the way we “listen” can determine the outcome of what we hear.

     How many times have you gotten something wrong, and yet swore that you had heard it the way it was meant?  On the other hand; how many times have you explained something to someone, only to find out later that they had not understood it the way you meant?  In today’s world of instant communication, and social media we have a greater than average chance of the message being screwed up.  And sometimes, no matter what we do to try to fix it, the damage is done and lives are affected.  

     Ever told someone  you “wanted to be just friends” and they heard, “we will be friends now and more later”?  You know what you meant, but they heard what they wanted to hear.  Ever been texting someone and what you’ve said (trying to be brief) has been misinterpreted and your day has gone to hell in a handbasket because of it?  Chatting online with someone and they read the wrong thing into it?  And all at once, you find yourself staring at a closed chat window?  I can’t begin to count the number of times that has happened to me.  And it’s all because our feelings, and our body language, as well as the inflections in our voice don’t come through when we are typing or texting.  I have been told that I write the same way that I talk.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but I’d like to think that at least I make myself clear.  But even that doesn’t happen with the regularity that I would like.  Many times I’ve been sent messages from people  I was sure really knew me, and my intentions, saying that I had somehow hurt their feelings, or made them angry.  I was sure that I had taken care to say what I meant, re-read it to be sure, sent it and felt good about it, only to be told I had been mean or nasty. 

     I come from the computer age where the first computer that I had was when I was well into my 30’s.  It was a small Mac and I was using AOL 2.5 or something like that.  A LONG time ago.  Back when they had (probably still do, I don’t know) chat rooms where you met and talked with people.  It was awesome.  I met someone there that I ended up spending 4 years with.  On the other hand, the internet was also one of the causes of the breakup of that relationship.  Because I was able to connect with someone I knew from back “in the day” and we re-connected through classmates.com.  So, there is good and bad with all the social media.  But it still all comes down to the human element.  And how we view and listen to the things we are “told”.  Told meaning….written to or spoken to.

     For me, it all boils down to this:  Right and Wrong are black and white.  The grey area is where interpretation takes place.  This is where the message gets lost or screwed up.  How we justify what we hear, or what we do is based on our belief in right and wrong.  What comes from one person to another is based solely on the frame of reference and core beliefs that the speaker has.  How we hear what is said is based on our core beliefs.  If you believe the glass is half full, you will try to see the good in what is said.  If you believe the glass is half empty; you may think that everyone is out to get you, and do you harm.  And if you are like me, you will look to see if there is ice in there, because that will mean I need to take a closer look at that glass….LOL

Keep an open mind, and an open heart.  But keep your hand on the doorknob !

peace,

Cinnamon

     I am supposed to be doing a writing assignment for the Red Headed Riter on Thursday.  But her Father just passed away, and I’m sad for her in that regard, and the writing assignment had to do with my ideal bedroom and how it would look; and that just doesn’t interest me today.  So, I thought I’d take a “saying” or popular cliché’ and talk about it.  Today’s is:

“Never make someone a priority in your life, when you are nothing but an option in theirs.”

     We’ve all seen this one and it’s rung true for us all from time to time.  I tried to do a little research on the origin of the phrase and found out that most think it was written by a woman about a man, when really it was the other way around.  Or so my research told me.  Man or woman, it’s still a very powerful thought.  How many times in our lives have we devoted time, energy, money, emotions and maybe our own personal well-being into trying to make someone love us?  Or care about us?  Or even just notice us?  How many dumb things have you done in school to make the pretty girl, or popular boy want to ask you out?  When dressing in the morning; did you do something special just because you knew that person’s favorite color, or style?  If if “baby shit yellow” made you look like a walking corpse, if you knew that so in so liked it….you wore it proudly.

     How many nights did you sit by the phone waiting for it to ring?  At least today, you can at least leave the house and take your cell phone with you.  Today’s generation has no idea how much of our lives were given up sitting by the old land line.  I can remember a terrible crush I had on a guy in high school.  He didn’t know I was alive.  But I would go home from school, and clean up and try to look nice.  Then I would walk about 2 miles and sit behind some bushes on the side of a street that I knew he had to pass on his way home in the afternoon.  When I would hear his motorcycle coming down the street I would just “accidentally” be walking on the side of that street so I could wave to him.  He was the best friend of a guy that I knew so sometimes he would actually stop and talk for a couple of minutes.  That would make my week.  Finally, after this going on for a while he asked me why I was in that part of the neighborhood; especially since he knew where I lived.  I blurted the truth out.  I said that I was always there, just hoping to get a glimpse of him as he rode by.  He looked at me funny and then left.  I suppose he found another way home, cause I didn’t see him anymore after that.

     Later in life after a big breakup with a guy that I was with for 4 years, I fell head over heels for a guy.  This has only been a couple of years or so ago.  I was crazy about him.  He wasn’t working.  Was living at home taking care of his Mom.  I’d come up with all kinds of things for us to do just so I could be with him.  For him, it was just a bootycall thing.  But not to me.  I did everything I could think of in hopes that he’d feel the same way about me that I did him.  I can still remember the day that he told me that he’d met someone who he wanted to see if it would work out for them.  I played the good friend.  I was supportive and wished him the best.  The whole time he was talking,  all I could hear was the pounding of blood in my ears as my heart broke.  Right then and there I swore that I would never be at the mercy of someone again.  And guess what?  I’ve still managed to do it.  In different ways for different reasons.  Friends have left me hanging, not bothering to keep up with the responsibilities that come with any kind of relationship.  Employers have done it.  Taking kindness for weakness and putting me on the backburner.  But, as in all things….a lesson was learned.  I’m getting pretty good with heart bond-o.  I just patch the hurt up and go for it again.  I never want to become callous and un-feeling.  I try very hard not to be the one that “forgets” the other person and their feelings.  I’m not perfect, but I do try.  A very wise friend that writes her own blog says it best:

               Victim is NOT a good Look  !!!      Right on Grace.

peace,

Cinnamon

Have you ever broken any bones? If so when, where and how. If not, I want to know how you have been so lucky!!!

     Let’s see.  The first bone that I broke wasn’t really a bone per se.  It was my nose.  While I was in the Air Force.  Now that I think about it, I did the most damage to my body while in the service.   I’ll have to set you up to understand how these things happened to me though.

     I was an Aircraft Maintenance Specialist…or crewchief as we were called.  I launched and recovered aircraft, refueled, inspected and repaired fighter aircraft.  In this picture, I’m refueling an T-38.  I got the broken nose on it.  The picture isn’t real clear, but that particular plane had what is called a pitot tube on the front.  Al long tube to measure air speed.  As I got up from inspecting the underside of the aircraft, someone yelled something to me and I stood up too quick and whacked my nose on that tube.  I was “ricky raccoon” for the next couple of weeks with my bandaged nose and black eyes.

     The next to get broken was my right foot.  While holding up the tow bar for another guy on a tow motor to hook up to the plane, he came back entirely too fast.  The hook on his tow motor hit the tow bar I was holding and it slammed down on the top of my right foot.  And even though I was wearing the required steel-toed boots; the tow bar hit behind the protective steel toe breaking the bones in my foot and a couple of toes.  Ouch !!  It scared me so bad that I immediately ran to our maintenance truck and locked myself in it.  I wouldn’t let anyone near me for a couple of hours until I came to my senses.  They took me to the hospital for x-rays and a cast.  What was interesting was that during the x-ray, it was discovered that there was the broken end of a large sewing needle between my big toe and first toe.  When asked about it, I didn’t have a clue.  Later, I called my Mom to ask about it and she told me she could only vaguely remember a time when I was 3 years old, running through the house and momentarily yelping in pain.  But then I continued on with my play.  The Air Force suggested that I have it removed, but I said no.  It hadn’t bothered me so far, so why take the chance of them permanently messing up the foot?  This picture is another that isn’t so clear.  But it shows me in the cockpit doing a seat inspection.  You’d be surprised at some of the things those pilots left there.  Or maybe not…

     I also broke my pinkie on my right hand.  But that is the last of me broken bones…so far.  At my age, my son keeps reminding me that a broken hip should be “right around the corner”  That little turd !!

peace,

Cinnamon

   

  Today’s blog is full of joy.  I just want to share with my readers this new/old phase of my life.  And tell you about this “duh” moment.

     When I quit both of my jobs in Ohio to get married and move to Florida there were so many different feelings about the upcoming adventure.  I was happy for the change and scared about the things in my life that I would have to give up and leave behind.  But I have also worked all my life and I was also ready to settle down and enjoy my 50’s with a great guy that could take care of me so that I didn’t have to work so hard.  And it has been wonderful in that respect.  However, I didn’t realize how much I would miss working and getting out into the public.  This economy really sucks right now and I know how lucky hubby and I are to have a good retirement coming in.  But I missed having something to “do”.  Afterall, you can only clean house so much, or shop so much, or try different recipes so many times.  Before you think I’m complaining about having it easy….I am not.  I was divorced for almost 14 years before I re-married.  And I have always said that I would marry because I wanted a man, not because I “needed” a man.  I have always made my own money and paying my bills.  That’s how I knew that I loved my husband.  I wanted to be with him…I didn’t need to be with him.  The same is true about working.  The difference now is that I don’t need to work, I want to.  And along came a opporunity.

   

Biker hubby

  We ride with a nice group of people in a motorcycle club.  And we like to visit the local biker bars for entertainment.  One of our favorite bars just so happened to be bought by a friend of ours in our riding group.  I’ve been a bartender/bar owner/manager for 20 years.  I’ve done many other jobs, but I’ve always enjoyed bartending.  And I’ve also made the most money at that.  It gives me a chance to have the social outlet that I need and do something that I’m really good at and make some money.  So, when our friend said he needed a new bartender, I jumped at the chance.  And I’m glad I did.

     I’ve ridden all my life.  I had just sold my motorcycle before my husand got married.  I get it honest enough.  My Dad was an old school biker from WAY back in the day.  I’ve owned several bikes, and am not saving for a new Harley.     As some of my readers know, I put a lot of time, effort, care, money and experience in trying to help out some “so-called” friends before I left Ohio with a club that they opened.  And I was pretty much treated like shit for my efforts.  That left a very bad taste in my mouth for many months.  I am over it now and am ready to tell them to stuff their club and know that eventually, they will get their just rewards  for being the scumbags that they really are.   It’s now my time to put all those same skills and experience toward something rewarding for myself…..and to get paid for it every night, instead of promise after promise with never a penny to show for it.

     My “duh” moment? Realizing that I’m not too old to work behind the bar, have a good time, save some money for a new Harley, spend quality time with people, make some new friends, and appreciate the time I have with my husband more.

Life is GOOD !!!peace,

Cinnamon

Back of my vest

     Today’s post was inspired by an honor that I received from the RedHeaded Riter.  She named me as one of her Rockin Friends.  Which is a very cool thing.  Her blogs and community are a fun and warm place to be and meet others that have similar interests.   You should check her out if you get the chance at: http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com/  It also got me thinking about friends.  The people that we call friends, the folks we’d like to be our friends, and the ones that we thought were our friends only to find out different.

     Looking back, if I was to really think about all the people who I’ve met in my life, very few of them would qualify as friends.  We moved a lot when I was growing up.  Never stayed anywhere longer four years.  And that was alright with me.  I have always been mostly a loner.  I enjoyed the company of my animals a whole lot more than the company of humans.  Even when we moved from the country to the city when I was sixteen, I wasn’t worried about fitting in with the brains, or jocks, or druggies.  I was just me.  I had my own set of goals.  As soon as I was old enough to get a job, and get a car, I was headed for freedom.  Along the way, I met a few people who I would call good “acquaintances” and people who I would do things with from time to time.  But I mostly kept to myself.  It was easier for me.  I have a tendency to attract others that might not be considered “mainstream”.  The odd folks, or those with an unpleasant history.  That just needed someone to bounce their story off of.  Working for years as a bartender and bar owner pretty much sealed my fate in that regard.  I became the captive audience for all kinds of hard luck stories.  And for a very long time it also put me in the position to be used.  For my time, and my energy.  I wouldn’t say that I have an addictive personality.  But I would say that I still have a streak of gullibility in me.  And in order to protect myself, I’ve had to get harder on the outside.  Make myself less accessible to others.  And sometimes that makes me seem harsh and uncaring.  And nothing could be farther from the truth. 

     From my childhood, only two girls stand out.  Pam and Cathy.  They hated each other.  The only thing they had in common was me.  I think about them from time to time and wonder how their lives have turned out.

     There were women in the Air Force that I was friends with for short periods of time.  And I wonder how their lives changed.  Did they stay in, meet a guy or woman and get out?  Many of the decisions that I made in the military, and opportunities that I gave up were based on whatever Significant Other I had at the time.  Boy do I regret some of those mistakes.  The opportunities would have turned into something MUCH better than the relationship with the man or woman did.  Water under that preverbial bridge though.

     I have worked for many employers in my time as well.  Some I felt had my best interest at heart, others not so much.  For some, I was just a way to advance themselves and their agenda.  Sad, but another learning experience.  “What goes around….”you know the rest.

     I have friends now that mean a lot to me and I hope that they know it.  Some I haven’t talked to in months.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them.  Others that chose to turn their back on our friendship have moved on with their lives.  And although some things are for the best, there will be a little less sunshine in both of our lives without the other person there.

     Many things that I have done in my life regarding people I would never change.  Even the heartache that others have caused me, and I them was a chance to build character and learn about “the human experience”.  And just so you know that I’m not all noble and such…..there a few out there that can just plain kiss my ass! Not having my friendship in your life is your loss and not mine.

Ahhhhh…..I feel better now.  Let’s get this week movin !!!

peace,

Cinnamon


Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

Blog Stats

  • 6,268 hits
Find Me On BlogFrog!

Grab My Button

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!
Copy this code to your website to display this banner!
Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 116 other followers

~~ What I’m Tweeting Right Now ~~

Error: Please make sure the Twitter account is public.

Share This Blog

Bookmark and Share

Follow me on Twitter

Follow CinfulCinnamon on Twitter