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Archive for the ‘Everyday Ramblings’ Category

     Borrowing from the movie “Mask” and the poetry of Rocky Dennis, I decided that today would just be a list of things that make me feel good. Maybe another day for the “these things are a drag”.  But not today.

Getting an “I luv u mom” text from my beautiful teenage son.

Making a nice meal even though I shopped from the “Manager’s Special” bin.  I love to save a buck !!

Riding behind my boyfriend, or riding my own bike in a charitable event for a fellow biker.

Watching my  puppy play with an empty water bottle.

Getting obscene text messages and pictures from my sister when I’m in a meeting.

Being able to drop a few coins in the Salvation Army kettle.

Seeing a clean kitchen or empty laundry hamper. Even though it’s only for a few minutes.

Finding a five dollar bill in a pair of jeans I’d put away.

Knowing that if you are reading this, you are thinking of things that make you smile.

peace,

Cinnamon

 

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     I am supposed to be doing a writing assignment for the Red Headed Riter on Thursday.  But her Father just passed away, and I’m sad for her in that regard, and the writing assignment had to do with my ideal bedroom and how it would look; and that just doesn’t interest me today.  So, I thought I’d take a “saying” or popular cliché’ and talk about it.  Today’s is:

“Never make someone a priority in your life, when you are nothing but an option in theirs.”

     We’ve all seen this one and it’s rung true for us all from time to time.  I tried to do a little research on the origin of the phrase and found out that most think it was written by a woman about a man, when really it was the other way around.  Or so my research told me.  Man or woman, it’s still a very powerful thought.  How many times in our lives have we devoted time, energy, money, emotions and maybe our own personal well-being into trying to make someone love us?  Or care about us?  Or even just notice us?  How many dumb things have you done in school to make the pretty girl, or popular boy want to ask you out?  When dressing in the morning; did you do something special just because you knew that person’s favorite color, or style?  If if “baby shit yellow” made you look like a walking corpse, if you knew that so in so liked it….you wore it proudly.

     How many nights did you sit by the phone waiting for it to ring?  At least today, you can at least leave the house and take your cell phone with you.  Today’s generation has no idea how much of our lives were given up sitting by the old land line.  I can remember a terrible crush I had on a guy in high school.  He didn’t know I was alive.  But I would go home from school, and clean up and try to look nice.  Then I would walk about 2 miles and sit behind some bushes on the side of a street that I knew he had to pass on his way home in the afternoon.  When I would hear his motorcycle coming down the street I would just “accidentally” be walking on the side of that street so I could wave to him.  He was the best friend of a guy that I knew so sometimes he would actually stop and talk for a couple of minutes.  That would make my week.  Finally, after this going on for a while he asked me why I was in that part of the neighborhood; especially since he knew where I lived.  I blurted the truth out.  I said that I was always there, just hoping to get a glimpse of him as he rode by.  He looked at me funny and then left.  I suppose he found another way home, cause I didn’t see him anymore after that.

     Later in life after a big breakup with a guy that I was with for 4 years, I fell head over heels for a guy.  This has only been a couple of years or so ago.  I was crazy about him.  He wasn’t working.  Was living at home taking care of his Mom.  I’d come up with all kinds of things for us to do just so I could be with him.  For him, it was just a bootycall thing.  But not to me.  I did everything I could think of in hopes that he’d feel the same way about me that I did him.  I can still remember the day that he told me that he’d met someone who he wanted to see if it would work out for them.  I played the good friend.  I was supportive and wished him the best.  The whole time he was talking,  all I could hear was the pounding of blood in my ears as my heart broke.  Right then and there I swore that I would never be at the mercy of someone again.  And guess what?  I’ve still managed to do it.  In different ways for different reasons.  Friends have left me hanging, not bothering to keep up with the responsibilities that come with any kind of relationship.  Employers have done it.  Taking kindness for weakness and putting me on the backburner.  But, as in all things….a lesson was learned.  I’m getting pretty good with heart bond-o.  I just patch the hurt up and go for it again.  I never want to become callous and un-feeling.  I try very hard not to be the one that “forgets” the other person and their feelings.  I’m not perfect, but I do try.  A very wise friend that writes her own blog says it best:

               Victim is NOT a good Look  !!!      Right on Grace.

peace,

Cinnamon

     Today’s post was inspired by an honor that I received from the RedHeaded Riter.  She named me as one of her Rockin Friends.  Which is a very cool thing.  Her blogs and community are a fun and warm place to be and meet others that have similar interests.   You should check her out if you get the chance at: http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com/  It also got me thinking about friends.  The people that we call friends, the folks we’d like to be our friends, and the ones that we thought were our friends only to find out different.

     Looking back, if I was to really think about all the people who I’ve met in my life, very few of them would qualify as friends.  We moved a lot when I was growing up.  Never stayed anywhere longer four years.  And that was alright with me.  I have always been mostly a loner.  I enjoyed the company of my animals a whole lot more than the company of humans.  Even when we moved from the country to the city when I was sixteen, I wasn’t worried about fitting in with the brains, or jocks, or druggies.  I was just me.  I had my own set of goals.  As soon as I was old enough to get a job, and get a car, I was headed for freedom.  Along the way, I met a few people who I would call good “acquaintances” and people who I would do things with from time to time.  But I mostly kept to myself.  It was easier for me.  I have a tendency to attract others that might not be considered “mainstream”.  The odd folks, or those with an unpleasant history.  That just needed someone to bounce their story off of.  Working for years as a bartender and bar owner pretty much sealed my fate in that regard.  I became the captive audience for all kinds of hard luck stories.  And for a very long time it also put me in the position to be used.  For my time, and my energy.  I wouldn’t say that I have an addictive personality.  But I would say that I still have a streak of gullibility in me.  And in order to protect myself, I’ve had to get harder on the outside.  Make myself less accessible to others.  And sometimes that makes me seem harsh and uncaring.  And nothing could be farther from the truth. 

     From my childhood, only two girls stand out.  Pam and Cathy.  They hated each other.  The only thing they had in common was me.  I think about them from time to time and wonder how their lives have turned out.

     There were women in the Air Force that I was friends with for short periods of time.  And I wonder how their lives changed.  Did they stay in, meet a guy or woman and get out?  Many of the decisions that I made in the military, and opportunities that I gave up were based on whatever Significant Other I had at the time.  Boy do I regret some of those mistakes.  The opportunities would have turned into something MUCH better than the relationship with the man or woman did.  Water under that preverbial bridge though.

     I have worked for many employers in my time as well.  Some I felt had my best interest at heart, others not so much.  For some, I was just a way to advance themselves and their agenda.  Sad, but another learning experience.  “What goes around….”you know the rest.

     I have friends now that mean a lot to me and I hope that they know it.  Some I haven’t talked to in months.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them.  Others that chose to turn their back on our friendship have moved on with their lives.  And although some things are for the best, there will be a little less sunshine in both of our lives without the other person there.

     Many things that I have done in my life regarding people I would never change.  Even the heartache that others have caused me, and I them was a chance to build character and learn about “the human experience”.  And just so you know that I’m not all noble and such…..there a few out there that can just plain kiss my ass! Not having my friendship in your life is your loss and not mine.

Ahhhhh…..I feel better now.  Let’s get this week movin !!!

peace,

Cinnamon

     Today, instead of my usual Tuesday quotes, I thought I’d talk about a couple of things that drive me nuts, bonkers, whacko, or just plain crazy.  Now, to those that know me; you might say that it’s a short trip to drive me crazy most of the time.  And you’d be right.  I can’t stand it when things don’t make sense.  When I run into illogical ideas or people it’s all I can do to be polite and walk away without saying something.  But when I am constantly bombarded on the t.v. with things that are just stupid in my mind that’s different.  The husband has come into the room wanting to know what I had just said, thinking it was directed at him; when really it was just me yelling at the t.v.  Today I’m going to give a couple of examples of things that make no sense to me.  I wonder if there is anyone else on the planet that feels this way.

     The first are the infomercials that advertise things  that ALWAYS cost $19.95.  Whether they are some dumb fold up binder type of thing that will magically get you to be more organized (yeah right), or some kind of stupid purse that holds everything but the kitchen sink, or some hair product that you just can’t live without.  All that would be fine except for the fact that NOT ONLY can you purchase this wonder item for $19.95…..but if you act right now  you can get TWO of them for that astounding price.  Oh, but wait !!!  There’s more.  If you act now, you can also get additional free items along with the piece of crap that you’ve spent $19.95 on, after roping one of your friends to go in halves with you so that you can get TWO of them.  Now comes the part that makes me insane.  The free stuff.  These people have the nerve to tell you that it’s a $40.00 value.  And you’re getting it free.  My question is this:  If it’s a $40.00 value…..why don’t you sell it for $40.00?  Why would you give it away for free?  You don’t know me.  You’re not my buddy that wants to cut me some slack and give me this stuff for nothing.  And if I’ve never seen it on the market before, how can you place that $40.00 value tag on it?????  HOW?  Am I alone here?  Are these people so bold as to think I am guillible enough to buy two pieces of crap for $19.95 in order to get an additional $40.00 worth of free crap?  Do they love me so much that stuff they can’t sell is worth putting a value of $40.00 on it?  Ok, I’ll stop now.  But you get my point.  And can see why I throw things at the t.v.  I’m not really sure which part of it makes me the most nuts, but we’ll drop it there.

     The next item on my list of “headed to the funny farm” things is this:  The “new” shows on the tube.  The ones that are the most blatantly insane to me are the crime shows.  The CSI types.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love those type of shows.  But I like the old ones like Law and Order.  Back in these days.  I also like the SVU series, and the CI series too.  But the new ones that they have on like the ones that have all the young people in them. Young, and beautiful, and fit and SMART.  People under 30 that act like they have been on the job for at least 20 years.  You just don’t get the kind of expertise that some of these kids have on these shows by going to school.  Where are all the old actors?  How can all these crimes be solved by people that look like they would be more at home on a catwalk than tracking cat burglars.  Now they are even re-doing “Hawaii Five-O”.  We used to laugh at Jack Lord because his hair never got messed up.  All you might see was that one little curl that would hang down on his forehead.  But at least he was older.  And so were the people that he worked with.  Danno, and Chin Ho, and Kono.  Now, Kono is going to be played by a female.  My point is this:  Some things need to be left alone.  Some movies and shows should be off limits for being re-done.  But if you are going to re-do them, at least stay with the original premise of the show.  Everything doesn’t have to be PC.  I think it all started when “The Wizard of Oz” was re-done as “The Wiz”.  Nothing against that adaptation, but it wasn’t the same.  And then there was “The Wild Wild West”.  A t.v. show that I grew up with and looked forward too every Friday night.  My Mom would go to town and get pizza (that still came on a round disk in a paper bag) and bottles of Pepsi for the four of us kids.  We would watch “The Green “Hornet”, “Time Tunnel”, and “The Wild Wild West”  As much as I admire and like Will Smith as an actor and a personality he was just wrong for the part of James West.  I understand that the younger generation will say that all the special effects in these re-done movies and t.v. shows is for the best, and that maybe I’m just an old fogie.  And that’s probably true too.  But some things are just better as the original.

     Well, that’s the rant for the day.  Hope I’m not alone in feeling some of this.  And I might as well admit that I did buy the “Space Saver” bags from the t.v.  And they were great….while at home.  Where I could load them up and suck all the air out of them.  But I made the mistake of using them to pack a suitcase full once.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain to a hotel desk that you need to borrow a vaccum so you can re-pack your suitcase?  Never again !

peace,

Cinnamon

Websters defines “Dog Days” as:
1) Period between early July and early September when the hot sultry weather of the season usually occurs.
2) A period of stagnation.

The name came from the Sirius Major (or Big Dog Star). This time of the year brings it into view the sharpest, hence the name..Dog Days.

We can call it what we like, but it’s just plain hot down here in central Florida. But I like it. I’ve always enjoyed beaches, laying in the sun, and cool water. That brings me to todays quotes that have to do with dogs. I don’t know the origins of either of these quotes, but they both make me smile. The first:


“Dogs never bite me, only humans do”

This happens on a continuous basis. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a dozen times. People will find new and different ways to disappoint me every day in many ways. I really have never been bitten by a dog. Sure, some have shown their teeth in a threatening manner, but I’ve never been charged by a dog or hurt in any way done on purpose. The same can not be said of the many humans I have come in contact with, and I’m sure you can relate. People seem to want to go out of their way to cause others grief. It could be that they are so unhappy in their own lives that they feel the need to “spread the pain”. Or sometimes; when wrapped up in their own misery, they fail to see that it’s getting transferred to others. Kind of like “pain through osmosis”. Then again, some people are just rotten. They delight in causing as much drama and chaos as they can. What they gain from it is an unknown….something that I will leave to the mental health professionals. All I know is that I’ve become pretty good at spotting these kind of people. Do I always avoid them? I wish I could say that I do. Sometimes I have no choice but to interact with them (co-workers, bosses, relatives). And truthfully, sometimes I engage them trying to get them to see what they are doing. Unfortunately, these types generally don’t care about doing anything but having their way, and having their say. Best to just walk away then. They say you can’t fix stupid…and that’s true. But you can’t fix narcissistic either. In fact, I’d bet that would be the harder to fix anyway.

The second quote always makes me laugh:

“If you aren’t the lead dog….the view never changes”

I have actually run into people who don’t get this. In truth, unless you have ever taken any kind of leadership role in your life, you probably wouldn’t understand it. And that’s ok too. Some people are born to be leaders and some are born to be followers. And both have their purpose in the scheme of things. I’ve been thrust into leadership roles in my life, and I have enjoyed it. At other times, I’ve been a follower. The role I personally enjoy the most is one that I feel I’m the best at. I call it “the power behind the throne” role. This role gives me the most satisfaction. I’ve been able to use my experience and knowledge to help guide others. I get the personal satisfaction from seeing my ideas come to fruition and don’t have to be in the spotlight. Some are born for that role too. There are people who do the best in front of the crowd but would be helpless without someone behind the scenes giving them advice and encouragement. They would flounder and fail on their own. All they have going for them is the pretty face, or the money or the idea. But no idea how to make a plan, or stick to it to achieve the success.

I have owned two businesses and managed many others. But I have never forgotten that without the right kind of support staff, there isn’t anything that can hope to work out well. And you must take care of that support. And by that I mean give them the respect, the praise and the salary that they deserve. Most of the time people will do extraordinary things and put force tremendous effort if they know they are appreciated. But you can’t just say thank you. You must realize that families can’t eat “thank yous”. Good intentions only go so far. Some people never ever learn this. And they eventually are brought down by their sheer stupidity in not understanding human nature.

That’s why it’s good to be the lead dog. But it’s not so bad being the dog next in line either.

peace,

Cinnamon

     Today’s two quotes come from movies that I have seen.  The first, is from everyone’s favorite feisty fairy, Tinkerbell.  In the movie “Hook” she was played by Julia Roberts and I thought this was one of the sweetest quotes of unrequited love that I’ve heard.  She said,

“Do you know that place between being asleep and awake, where you still remember your dreams? That’s where I’ll always love, that’s where I’ll always wait for you.”

     I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve felt that way.  When the object of my affection didn’t even know I existed.  A couple of years ago I was in a relationship like that.  I positively adored a man, and would have done anything for him…and did.  And all I was to him was  a bootycall.  No matter how I pursued him, or was cool and uncaring around him, it didn’t matter.  I was always the one to call him first.  Always the one that would plan things for us to do.  Anything I could think of just to get to see him and be with him.  That was a hard one to get over.  I can still look at his picture and get weak in the knees.  And no matter how much I love my husband, that other man will always have a place in my heart.  Might be that I never captured his heart and my ego doesn’t like that fact.  If there had actually been some kind of a substantive relationship with him and then we had broken up; I think it would have been different.  Because I would at least feel like he had invested some feelings into the thing and maybe he would have hurt a little too.  As it was, I was the only one with the broken heart when I heard that he’d found someone he wanted to date and get serious with.  As it was…..I was the only one living in never never land…Thanks Tinkerbell

The next quote came from the movie “Harry Potter”.  The wise old Dumbledore said,

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends”

And oh my my is that ever true.  It’s bad enough that we spend so much time trying to fit in with people, making them friends and making them a part of our lives.  Now, in order to be a true friend, sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to tell them something that you know they are not going to want to hear.  Comes back to that whole honesty thing.  And true friends may still get their feelings hurt if they don’t get the answer from you that they want, but that is too bad.  You are their friend because they expect nothing less from you but the truth.  And if it so happens that they can’t handle that truth, then they aren’t a true friend anyway.  I have recently had to cut someone loose from my circle of friends for this very reason.  All this person lived for was drama.  If you told this woman  you had a goldfish at home in a bowl, why she had a barracuda in her bathtub.  She never wanted to be outdone.  No story was big enough.  There was no such thing as a normal day for her.  There always had to be an email or a text or worse yet, the phone call telling me about how much chaos there was in her life.  It just got old.  My life is complicated enough.  But if I have to spend valuable time propping this person up all the time, and stroking her ego and listening to the lies she told, it was just too much.  No one needs friends like that and so I had to stop all communications with her.  And other friends have had to do the same to her as well.  It’s sad really because she has a lot to offer when she isn’t telling story after story that is more outlandish than the last one.  I wish her peace in her life IF that is possible.  But Dumbledore was right.  It is truly difficult to stand up to your friends…..but it must be done sometimes.

peace,

Cinnamon

     Not really, although it sure feels that way.  My son is 17 years old and up until now has spent every school year with me.  Up until this year, I was always the “bad guy” that made him eat the veggies, do the homework, ground him when he misbehaved.  While his Dad, my ex, was the “good-time Charlie” during the summer.  That was the arrangement that we made in the divorce.  My son’s father chose to stay in another state to work and be with wife number 5.  Many times over the 13 years that we have been divorced I’ve told him he needed a new hobby.  That marrying just about everyone that he slept with wasn’t a good idea. But that’s not my point.  He couldn’t do the traditional every other weekend thing for visitation, so we worked out another schedule.  I would have our son for the 9 months that he was in school and Tim (my ex) would have him for the summer.  That worked out pretty well for all concerned.  Although for the first 2 or 3 weeks after my son would come home, I’d have to hear about how great of a time he had with his dad.  That part got old.  And how, just about April; my son and I would start to get on each other’s nerves.  Cabin fever would set in.  Summer was coming and we both needed a break from each other.  And he would go to his dad’s after school was out, and it would be heavenly for the first two weeks, and then I would start to miss him and couldn’t wait for him to come back. 

     Each beginning of the summer visit I would give Tim one task that I wanted him to work with his son on for the summer.  When Jesse was small, it was get him potty trained over the summer, then the next it was teach him to tie his shoes.  As he got older, teach him to mow the grass, or keep his room clean.  And last summer when Jesse was 16, I wanted him to help teach him to drive.  None of these things ever got done.  I always got a baby back that was still wetting his pants, and had gym shoes with velcro flaps instead of laces.  He just learned to use a riding mower from my new husband.  And I just got his learners permit to drive before going to his dad’s.  Well, I made the decision that it was time for Jesse’s dad to step up.  I told them both that Jesse would be staying in Virginia for this last school year.  And his dad would teach him to drive and get some work ethic instilled in him before he turned 18 in December.  I stomped, and yelled, and screamed foul and they both agreed that it was time they spent more time together.

     School starts next week in Virginia.  And I miss my son.  I’m in Florida.  I won’t get to take him clothes shopping or school supply shopping this year.  We won’t get to fight over what classes he is going to take.  No more yelling about his clothes being everywhere, and why hasn’t he taken the dogs outside when they are both doing the “pee dance”.  It’s quiet here now with just my husband and I.   I don’t get to holler at Jesse to turn his music down, or to stop yelling at his friends over the X box live games.  But now there’s no reason to set my alarm to get up early so I can make his lunch for him or ask what he wants for dinner.  Or say, “Not pizza again!”

     It’s pretty safe to say I miss him.  But we both have some growing up to do.  And there are just some things he can’t learn from Mom.

peace,

Cinnamon


Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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