Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

Archive for the ‘Swinger Lifestyle Stuff’ Category

We are all looking for new places to meet other like-minded lifestylers.  And I have found a really great new place.  I’d like to introduce you to: www.Swingular.com . As if the colors and graphics of the site itself isn’t enough to make you want to join, there are some features that will knock your socks off.  I’ve only been on for a short time, but I can tell you about the features that really got my attention:

**Custom Photo Albums: To the best of my knowledge, Swingular is the only site that allows you to create custom photo albums and set individual permissions, as well as set permissions that expire on a certain amount of days. I really like this feature because of this:  Someone asks you for permission to your private gallery, and you give it and then you never hear from them again.  What’s the point of that?  This way, if they are really interested in you they will get in contact before the time on the album expires.

** Online Photo Editing: I have NEVER seen this on any other site.  This feature allows you to edit your photos online as if you were using Photoshop on our website.     I am really glad to let my readers know about this site.  When it’s all said and done, you get what you pay for and this site is gorgeous.  And they are very willing to listen to their members.  Why not get in on this great price and be on the ground floor of membership?  There are already 1000’s of members to choose from and hook-up with.  With the chat features and everything else,  I am thinking that a little less drama and a lot more fun are in order.

**Client Side Photo Resizing: This is a big one because with the latest cameras, people are trying to upload photos that are huge in size and it takes forever to upload. Most  people do not know how to resize images.  Swingular will resize the images for you BEFORE you upload them, making the upload process quick. 

**REAL & VIP Seals: Swingular  offers both REAL & VIP Seals. What’s the difference? Most sites rely on the members to give out REAL seals.  They take it one step further and offer VIP seals, VIP stands for: Validated In Person. Only the admins or local hosts can give out VIP seals assuring that they are truly real. And only VIP members can give out the REAL seals. 

**Inexpensive Memberships: For the amount of features that Swingular  offers, their prices our the lowest in the industry. Where else can you get all this, plus access to millions of members around the world, for only $49 for a lifetime membership?

** Longevity & Trust: They’ve  been around since 2001 and will be around for as long as time can tell.  They constantly make improvements and upgrades and will always be a leader offering the most cutting edge features of any lifestyle website.

www.swingular.com   

peace, 

Cinnamon 

 Now, I’m able to offer you a FREE LIFETIME membership to this great site.  And with your help…..it’s going to be HUGE 
 
Just go to the website and when you have your profile filled out, put  SW33Tpea in for your promotional code.  You can’t copy and paste it, you must type it in.  Then as your referral code use:  TERRYNCINN.  See? Easy.

  

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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     My husband and I watched the movie Edge of Darkness with Mel Gibson the other night.  And enjoyed it tremendously.  And again, like I’ve said in the past…..NO ONE does pain like Mel.  Whether in the first Lethal Weapon movie where he’s standing in the water being electrocuted,  or being eviscerated in Braveheart, or even having his toes smashed in Payback.  He conveys pain like no other male actor that I’ve ever seen.  But this movie was about the pain that he kept inside after witnessing his daughters murder.  And the revenge that he enacted against the ones that killed her.  And the cost of that revenge.

     Revenge is a word that’s been kicked around lately.  It has different meanings to everyone that thinks about it.  And because of the degree that each of us thinks about it, it determines the “type or severity” of the revenge that we would enact.  When talking about murderers in the news, we can safely sit back in our lazy boys and say, “I’d blow that muthafuckers head off if he’d hurt my kids”.  And that very well could be true.  Under the right circumstances and given the opportunity to seek justice ourselves…..maybe we would.  It would be nice to think that the court system would protect us.  But we have all heard of cases that didn’t get settled  the way we would have liked.  The trouble is: sometimes we don’t have all the facts like the court or the judge or the jury may have had.  Just speaking from the sidelines with your first gut reaction doesn’t always mean that you are right.  But we are all guaranteed to have an opinion.  They truly are just like assholes.  We all have one.  Some just stink more than others.

     My question today is not so much about revenge as it is personal responsibility.  And moral judgements.  And which ones are you willing to put aside for your own convenience or pleasure.  How far would you go to ensure a good time for yourself and your friends or family.  How many of your own values would you compromise in the name of free speech or being in the spotlight as the envy of others.  And just how far would you go to sell out people who have trusted you just so you could look good or better than others.

     There are lines that all of us say we would never cross.  Some we have always had.  Others we have adopted as we’ve gotten older and experienced more of life.  Either as being part of a team, or as a parent, or owning our own business.  If you forever work for someone else, or never have any dealings with children you will mostly be self-directed.  And your references on the world will mostly focus on what you can get for yourself.  And that is fine.  With a good core belief system and the foundation of what is right and wrong you will be fine.  When you have children in your life you find out pretty quick that it REALLY is all about them.  The human baby is the most selfish creature on the earth.  From conception, they suck the nutrients out of the mother’s body and take whatever they can in order to be born healthy.  That is the way that Nature intended it.  But because the human child is born with no natural defenses, it’s up to us to protect and care for it. 

     This can put a real damper on our social lives.  Of this I am well aware.  My ex-husband only had our son in his custody during the summer months.  The rest of the time,  I was the bad guy.  And that has worked out well for us.  And although having both parents there would have been better on our son, I think he has turned out really well.  As he grew, I made choices that I thought protected him to the best of my ability.  And I will admit that a couple of times, when I thought someone was out to harm him in some way….I did some things that he may not have approved of. Whether it was living a certain place, or talking to the parents of  certain kids, or going to school and finding out things about him that I needed to know.  And at every step of his growing independence…..I was there.  He only thought that he was crossing that street on his own.  He only believed that he could rent any movie or game at the video store. And all the other things we do.  To protect our children.  I stayed home countless weekends because I had no sitter.  I turned down many dates because I didn’t want to introduce a certain kind of man to my son.  I was willing to forgo my own pleasure in order to make sure that the character that my son thought I had,  was there. 

     I had many jobs in my life.  And when you work for someone, you are subject to their rules.  And their restrictions.  I’ve also owned my own businesses and had others working for me.  But I’ve never sold myself to anyone.  They may have been able to rent my skills for 40 or more hours a week, but they never owned me.  I’ve never done anything in business or my personal life that I am ashamed of.  I’ve never justified doing anything wrong in order to make myself or my status better.

     I don’t always investigate businesses that I do buy from.  I’m not up to date on which companies do business with other third world countries.  It’s all I can do to clip coupons and stay away from bad meat and vegetables.   I know that child labor and slave labor is out there.  I want to buy only American when I can.  But sometimes price has been my determining factor in a purchase.  And I suppose this is a kind of sell out.   If I have heard about, and then investigated something that has led me to believe that a company is evil in some way, yes indeed I will go out of my way to avoid it.  And see that they don’t get any of my money.

     I wonder if people like Michael Vick had pet dogs at home.  We all know how the dogs that he liked to fight and bet on lived and died.  By the same token, I think he has paid his debt to society and deserves a second chance.  The folks that take our money should feel some responsibility to us as well.  There is trust there that a merchant should have with you.  If I hand a clerk a twenty dollar bill it used to be that they just gave me my change.  Now they use the counterfeit pen to check it.  I know in my heart that I would never give a bogus bill to any one.  But they don’t know me from Adam’s cat.  And they don’t trust me.  Because their job could be at stake if they do and I turn out to be a “bad guy”.

     Would you go into a bar and enjoy a frosty mug of beer if you knew that in the kitchen there was a little guy there that didn’t speak english, was paid poorly, worked un-godly hours and was threatened daily?  Would you enjoy that cold beer the same?  If you had a friend that you knew did the best that they  could in their job and knew they felt satisfied that they had given 100% every day  while there  and then woke up one morning to find out that the people that they worked for were taking credit for all your  friends hard work and also lying about them to everyone that would listen…..what would you do?  Suppose your friend was the one that worked in the kitchen of that bar with the frosty mug?  Now what?   You really liked going there.  And so do your friends.  You don’t want to give it up because everyone knows your name there.  Like the bar Cheers.  And you are the Norm, or the  Frazier, or Carla, or Cliff or even the bartender that owned the place, Sam. Would that beer taste as good knowing what they’d said about your friend? Would it?  And if they did other things that weren’t right or moral.  Or took advantage of the patrons and laughed all the way to the bank.   Would you help hide that knowledge?  Would you do the right thing?  Or justify their actions because it’s  “better”  for you?  How’s that beer tasting now?

     Revenge sometimes is as simple as doing what is right against something that you know is wrong.  Standing up, speaking up, speaking out.  Sacrificing your spotlight or place at the bar for someone else that can’t speak for themselves.

     I’ve never had a problem with doing what I thought was right.  Sometimes, the evil forces that try to keep me silent have tried to paint me in a bad light,  And even when I know where some of the bodies are buried, I’ve kept them buried.  But as long as I am able, I will stand by the truth.  Because in the end it will win out. 

     As I have said, I’m a 12 year veteran of the Air Force.  My husband is a Viet Nam Vet.  There is a code among the military.  One of honor. We expect more from our “kind”.  And when one of us dishonors themselves by dishonoring another military member…..we take that very seriously.  The Marines have their “Semper Fi”.  When men greet my husband they say it. When he answers back, it’s with “Do or Die”.  I grin when it happens.  But I think it’s great too.  That’s a camaraderie I’m proud to be associated with.  And it makes me feel safe too.  Wish everyone had that in their life.   Because for us….the  beer is always cold !!

peace,

Cinnamon

     This is just a short update on my previous post about the teen/swing club.  In case you haven’t been following my blogs or those of my blog-tastic buddy kdaddy23 here on wordpress I will give you a short, readers digest version of what I’m talking about with this update.

     There is a private/adult/but don’t wanna be called/swing club in the Cincinnati area that has tried to find new and imaginative ways to raise their bottom line.  The latest, and surely greatest (if you are thinking BAD) idea has been to use the club building as a teen club on the nights not open to the usual lifestylers.  If you are already rolling your eyes, all I can say is that it gets worse.  Aside from all the potential disastrous things that could happen….and we went over just a few of them in the last blog, the one that I suspected, but wasn’t sure of until last night was this:  Not only are they using the club and promoting it as a teen club ……they are trying to keep it a secret from their members.  REGULAR,  MEMBERSHIP PAYING ,HOPING FOR AN ADULT CLUB OF THEIR OWN members.  That is correct.  They don’t want to take a poll among the members to see if they approve of the use of their club.  They don’t want any discussion in their yahoo group about it as was evidenced by an email I received that was a forward of this clubs explanation on why there won’t be any discussion on it.  They think it would cause drama. Ha ! Drama in an online discussion group is nothing compared to the drama that this is going to cause with the members.  This fact along with all the others just goes to prove that they can say what they want, but there is NO way to justify this. 

     According to every privacy contract/membership form or verbal understanding that I have run across in my many years in the lifestyle, I have never heard of such a blatant disregard for members security and privacy.  It is the responsibility of the owners and management of any swing/private club to ensure that the members have a safe and secure facility in which to engage in adult activities.  Now how in the name of all that is kinky can you do that when you are allowing KIDS (aged 14-17) into your swing club?  I don’t care that they’ve said that they put away the stripper poles.  That they have locked the bedrooms up.  That the nude body casts and pictures and signs have been taken down from the walls.  That still leaves the painted NAME of the club on parts of the inside….that any computer savvy kid (and name one that isn’t these days) can google and find out what kind of club it is.  And what’s to stop these same roving hormone factories from “dropping by” on the friday and saturdays when there are cars in the parking lot, and trying to come in?  Talk about a serious case of stupidity….these owners take the cake.  But all those troubles aside.  Let’s get back to the privacy issue.  You expect and demand that your members are not going to take pictures in your club.  “What happens at the club, stays at the club”.  Adults may get that, but kids?  These adults have PAID good, hard-earned money for a place that they can go to and not be bothered by kids or about kids.  They won’t be assured of that.  Sounds like a breach of the membership on the part of the owners to me.  And not just me.  A lot of people who are not even parents feel the same way.  And people who aren’t even lifestylers have emailed me here to say that although they don’t agree with the lifestyle, they do believe that adults are entitled to live their lives the way they see fit.  Letting children into an adult club HAS to be wrong on many levels. 

     I don’t know how their Grand Opening went last night for their teen club night.  I’m betting it was a dismal failure.  But scarier yet…?  What if it wasn’t?  I am also betting that when their members do find out…and maybe that will be here….they will ask for their membership money back.   And I think they deserve it!  Hows THAT for scary Mr. Club Owners?

peace,

Cinnamon

     This blog could be about anything.  If you have ever laughed at yourself for being out-smarted by a kid or an animal, then you will understand.  And if that animal or kid have ever seemed to be smarter than you were….man, that’s the worst.  The late, great Art Linkletter said, ” Kids say the darndest things”.  And given the chance, they will do the darndest things too.  That’s why I love babies, but wish anyone over 3 years old could be shipped off and kept away from me until they are at least 30 years old….Just kidding.  (uhhh, not really).

     How many times have you thought you had all the bases covered when making plans to be alone with your significant other, only to have a child or a pet foil those plans?  Sometimes, you have to wonder if they have planned it just to mess you up.  It’s like washing the car, and then a storm comes along.  Is there any way that we may have made plans and subliminally KNOWN that they were going to get screwed up?  Sometimes I wonder.  But all this may be much too deep to talk about today.  I have something more direct and to the point to write about today.  See if  you don’t think that sometimes the need or greed for money can cause people to do dumb things.

     In my private group on the swingers website that I am on I started a topic asking for opinions about a new teen club that is supposed to be opening soon.  Now, if it were just a club specifically for teens, I wouldn’t have a care in the world about that.  But this is an adult club that is going to use the premises as another venue.  A club within a club so to speak.  I knew about it last year when I actually worked at this club.  I thought it was a bad idea then, and think it’s even more of a bad idea now.  And the people in my group all seem to feel the same way.  There are so many things that I think the owners of this business are either not thinking about, or just don’t think it will affect them negatively the way that most of us “other” parents think that it will.  We talked about putting a post on the website for others to weigh in on the debate, but decided that it would just cause the cheerleader types for this club to start drama.  And as you know, I’m not afraid to write what  I please here on my blog.  And I will watch the viewer numbers skyrocket when these same people read this.  They will just send their nasty emails as always, but I could care less these days.  And why am I writing about this?  Because anything that affects swingers, affects me.  And I choose to write about it.   Their days are numbered anyway, and this newest stupid idea will just add nails to the coffin.  Only they will be using a nail gun this time.   Hmmm…but like I wrote above…..maybe they are doing this on purpose.  To end the misery.

     Think about all of the negativity having teenagers will cause for your establishment.  Your patrons aren’t going to want kids going into their club.  They aren’t going to want kids to know what or where this club is.  None of your out of towners are going to bring their kids there.  What would they do for the few hours that the club is open to the kids?  Drive around? See a movie while waiting to come back and pick the kids up?  And the local patrons that you have don’t want their kids to even suspect that they know about the place.  How long do you think it will be before some of the kids come back on the weekend and “try” to come in?  Or at least hang around outside seeing who comes in.  The area that the club is in won’t support it.  Kids aren’t going to want to part with ten bucks to get in to just socialize and dance.  Hell, they can do that at their own parties.  And sell them food? Right.  You really think that without doing body searches as they come in that there won’t be drugs and alcohol with those kids?  And you aren’t going to let them smoke are you?  There goes that nice furniture you love to brag about.   And speaking of furniture……guess you don’t plan on letting them use the “party rooms” do you?  There are other ways that money could be made in this club besides this.  Any money that you will make will be eaten up in wages to your “volunteer” staff who have to supply music, food, service . Added electric and water.   And don’t forget those chaperones.  Yeah, won’t be long now.  This is a VERY bad idea.  And as soon as your regular patrons find out that they know some of the kids going there, well, you get the idea.  “Hey mom, guess who I saw this weekend going into that teen club I went to?  And you should have seen how they were dressed”.

     Bad idea boys !!!  But it should make for interesting reading in the newspaper.  So, since the first opening didn’t work out so well, they are going to try it again Sunday June 27th.  If you have ever had to clean up after a bunch of teenagers before…. you will know what I mean when I say I’d rather have a root canal done. Whew…………”It’s NOT your parents nightclub”….Really?

peace,

Cinnamon

Oh, feel free to comment here.  I will gladly listen to your side of it……and publish it.  Of course there will be a response too.  Oh, that’s right….you don’t read my blogs, silly me.  We are now almost 2700 views now though.  Thank you followers.

     The husband and I like to have coffee together in the mornings before we start the day.  Gives us a chance to make a “plan” for things to get done.  We usually end up trashing the plan and doing something else, but occasionally we will stick to it.  IF the weather isn’t nice and we decide to ride the Harley. Or IF one or more of our friends or family doesn’t call and say they want to stop by for a while. Or IF there isn’t something going on at the VFW or another of our favorite hangouts.  THEN we might get stuff done.  Today was a perfect example.  And although Terry got his work done (cleaning up the garage and getting stuff together for a yard sale)….I did absolutely nothing. Went around looking for a new bathing suit to wear to a pool party that we are going to on Saturday, and then baked my ass in the sun by the pool.  Oh the joys of retirement.  If I’d known how great it was I’d have done it years ago….LOL The truth is that I’ve worked every day of my life (except for the year I took off to have my son) since I was 16 years old.  And I am very lucky to have met and married a man that has a good retirement.  We can enjoy these “good” years that we have left.  And I am very grateful.  But back to coffee-time.

     Yesterday we were talking about a long time buddy of the husbands.  He has had some heart and circulation issues in the past, and has just recently been able to find a good doctor that helped him with the ED (erectile dysfunction) problem that he was having.  Then we wandered into the whole “You don’t know what it’s like” realm.  Oh, you know….how tough it is to be a man, or woman.  For the sake of argument, I took up the woman’s point of view…LOL  Seriously though; I’ve always thought that being bisexual gave me somewhat of an insight into the male psyche.  I’ve had days that my testosterone has gotten so out of hand and it was all I could do not to grow a beard and load a shotgun !!!  Just kidding.  We went back and forth on the whole thing.  I was attentive.  And I listened to Terry try to explain to me that it was really tough to be a man sometimes when it came to the sexual stuff.  That a woman could just “lay there” and no one would know if she was faking or not.  That you can’t fake a hard-on.  So the whole ED thing could really get you down if you let it.  And I understood all that.  I know that you can pretty much tell when a man is aroused or not…DUH.  But it was hard to keep from rolling my eyes.  Sooooo for 15-30 minutes a man has to be “on”. He must have that stiffy ready to go. Really? Hmmmm.  That’s great.  The REST of the time is allotted to us women.  Oh sure, we could just “lay there” and take it.  But what about the hours of time that we spend looking good so that you GET that stiffy that you love to use?  What about all the other female related things that we go through?  The pregnancy thing, the ob/gyn exam thing. The menopause thing (that I’m currently dealing with)  Hot flashes in Florida are the WORST.  Not to mention that if you plan a wonderful weekend full of fun (if you’re in the lifestyle) the chances are pretty good that Mother Nature and her drag bag full of goodies is gonna slap your ass and say “Down girl”.  So, anyway, we went back and forth for a while.  Sometimes it’s great to be a woman when you have all that weaponry at your disposal. And a man really has no ammo against you.  ED?  Yes, I know it happens.  But all those years that you get before it happens have got to be great.  Going out tonight dude? All you have to do is shit-shower and shave.  If men weren’t so visual, women could relax more.  I admit that I enjoy what I call my “ritual” before we go out.  Especially if it’s a lifestyle related function. Bubble bath, shaving (legs, underarms, and naughty bits), the lotions and potions. The plucking, and makeup. Doing the hair.  Picking out something to wear.  Or several outfits if going to the clubs. Shoes and jewelry. I do enjoy it.  And it’s a treat for me as well.  I’m just glad that I don’t have to do it everyday.  But I digress…..AGAIN.

     Men are visual.  Women require much more to be turned on.  The man must be appealing to the eye yes.  But he should smell good.  His voice will get me going.  The way he carries himself is another thing.  And what he’s wearing. I think that although women can “fake” it sexually if they want to….and some do…..I also think that men do some faking as well.  To sum it up, I’d say that Women can Fake Sex, but Men can Fake Love.  And it happens all the time.  Most guys will say or do whatever it takes to get the prize.  Do I fault them for it?  Nope.  I’ve always been able to spot the player.  And I’ve sometimes played him for my own amusement. Do I hate it that women fall for the lamest of lame lines? Yes.  But I don’t feel sorry for them.  Because there is something in those women that is getting exactly what they need from the man playing them.  For every predator, there is prey.  And it’s not always the woman who is the prey.  Oh au contraire.  We’ve all heard of the black widows. So, before I step too far over the line I will just say this.  It’s tough to be both sexes.  I haven’t been the other, but I’ve loved a few of them.  LOL

     This was only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the age-old Women vs Men thing.  I’d just end by saying that if Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars……how the hell did we end up on Earth?

peace,

Cinnamon

 

     I think that the first thing I need to do is apologize.  It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged.  I won’t lie, I’ve been laying by the pool, working on my tan, and riding the Harley with the hubby.  Feeling guilty? Uhhhh nope !!  LOL.  I have just about fully recovered from my surgery, and my diet is going really well. This summer is going to be the one that I look the best that I ever have in my adult life.  And I am very pleased with that.  So todays  blog will be just a bit of the “floaty” stuff that goes through my head. “http://twitpic.com/1m8586

     First the in-laws.  During the last two or three weeks while the grand baby has been getting ready to go into the hospital for his chemo for the brain cancer, I’ve had a chance to meet two of my husbands sisters. They are great.  And seem to like me as well.  Of course,  from the things that I’ve heard about the husband’s ex-wife…..she wasn’t a very hard act to follow.  But I have a lot in common with his baby sister Linda.  We did some shopping together, gabbing, laying in the sun and generally “hating” on some folks…you know…..girl gossip.  I really enjoyed my time with her here and realized how starved for some girl company I had been.  So, the catty batteries got recharged and that was fun. “http://twitpic.com/1mf8fk”  That’s me on the left. Not too shabby for almost 53. Sissy is 41.

     We bought one of those $79 pools from Walmart and it has been wonderful.  Oh yeah…this is the tidbits part…LOL  I have more money in the two sun loungers than I do the pool.  But I’m like a big lizard anyway and love to lay in the sun and turn brown.  I hadn’t been able to use my tanning bed for many weeks while recovering from surgery so I really was missing all that vitamin D.  I love to save money when I can so I made my own pool skimmer with some old soft screening and a rounded hanger. That saved about $14 bucks.  Then I made my own chlorinator with a rubbermaid food storage container that I drilled 5 holes in the bottom of.  Put the 3″ chlorine tablet in the bottom of it, took a small zip lock baggie, blew it up and closed it and put it in the top of the container and put the lid on.  It floats really well in the pool, and I don’t have a speck of anything growing.  Another $10 bucks saved. Took the savings and bought a new bikini…

     The claws part of this blog could be about the fact that my husband adores long fingernails and I always have to trim them down before I can type here and it drives me nuts.  But that’s not it.  It has to do with the fact that I am so sad that we in the Swingers community lost another club.  Hopefully, just temporarily.  The owners of the club I am talking about are really a class act and they do everything in such an up scale fashion that we will all be very fortunate when they find another location that they can bring their club to.  But I will say this:  It certainly didn’t take another club long to come up with their fake-ass sympathy while BARELY hiding their glee.  It really says alot about this bunch of losers.  Once again, instead of realizing that this community needs all the clubs and club owners that they can get in order to help “fight” city hall, they have chosen ….. again I might add….. to be happy that what they consider to be competition is now gone.  Shame on them.  And there will come a day when they will wish that they had been more helpful and inclusive.  It’s really not about who lasts longer, but who makes the biggest impact while here.  I doubt seriously that they will see an increase in their clientele especially with summer being here.  That’s the time that clubs suffer the most.  And this economy sucks right now.  Those that have said that they would NEVER lower door prices because they said it was bad business are now practically begging for business.  It should be very interesting to see how it plays out.

     Next weekend we are going to our first BDSM munch/demo/pool party.  I will let you know how that goes.  Then we will be visiting a Florida swing club that I’ve read alot about and want to check out.  Hope all that are reading this are doing well and enjoying your summer (if it’s gotten to you yet).  And thank you for reading.  We are now WELL over 2200 blog viewings.  I am honored.

peace,

Cinnamon

     My son is at that wonderful “blackmailable” age.  His looks, and the way he is perceived by his peers is so important to him.  Before anyone can come to the house; all baby pictures or things that he has given or made me over the years must be put out of sight.  I am to make no mention of anything that he did as a child.  And heaven forbid I actually try to talk to his friends.  It would be totally uncool for me to try to talk and be cool.  Oh no, that can not happen.  It makes me smile to myself and sometimes a little sad to know that the generational lines have now been drawn and I am only allowed to cross them on his terms.

     This got my mind to think of all the things that we do to preserve confidences.  Either for ourselves or when trusted by others to hold those confidences.  And is there an expiration date on confidences?  And does it depend on the degree of the secret that you’re keeping?  If it’s not something that would change the world, does it matter who really knows?  Now I ask all these questions, not because I have any doubts about where my stand is on this issue.  But I was struck some time ago when I asked a somewhat similar question on one of the websites.  I wanted to know if you could buy honesty.  And what I was asking was very simple.  To me of course the answer is no.  You can’t.  It’s something that is in a person or it isn’t.  But one of the answers that someone gave was rather telling in itself.  It seemed that this person felt that you couldn’t buy honesty, but if you decided that the person wasn’t honest anymore, then you were entitled to not only change your opinion of them, but you could also go about tearing down any reputation that the person might have with others.  Really?  So, we are all free to be judge,  jury,  and character assassin?  Even if the accusations are false?  I’ve thought on this and thought on it.  And have my opinion on it, but this blog is on another question.  When is it ok to reveal confidences?  What if you aren’t sure they are confidences?  And more importantly, what if you are never asked to keep the confidence?  What if it was just implied?  Because at the time, you and the person that you were speaking  with were on good terms.  You thought that they were your friend and didn’t mean you any harm.  And vice versa.

     In the lifestyle, we meet new people all the time.  We hope to get to know them in a few emails, or a phone call or two before we meet.  We might actually feel comfortable enough to share information with almost total strangers.  A good dinner, some alcohol to put us at ease, and the next thing you know….people are talking about others that they’ve met, or have in common.  One person mentions something that someone else may have said, and then the gossiping begins.  Do you know when to draw the line?  When have you said too much?  And what kind of harm have you done whether intentionally or un-intentionally to someone else?

     I try very hard to stay neutral with people.  It has been somewhat of a blessing/curse that people have a tendency to tell me things.  Even things that I don’t ask about or want to know have sometimes been dumped in my lap.  So, I have always tried to remember that while the person was telling me something, they may have been under stress, or just needed someone to listen to them complain about someone or some other situation that they were involved with.  When meeting potential play partners, or even friends, I let everyone start with a clean slate.  Sure, the lifestyle is a small pond and paths are going to cross.  But just because I do or don’t have a good time with someone doesn’t mean that the next person that they meet will feel the same.  I never comment on sexual ability or lack of.  And I will only say something positive IF I CAN.  Otherwise, its neutral.  I don’t carry gossip.  I only speak from my own experience.  If I am done wrong and am asked about it, I will only tell you of my experience.  Same with a good time. No details, just an overall experience “feeling”.  And if in a close or nice moment, if we share confidences on personal matters, they won’t go any farther.  I think that sometimes others forget that.  And unfortunately, they have forgotten some things that they’ve said to me.  Things that I know,  you wouldn’t want others to know. 

     It’s tough to know when to trust.  And we are all humans, and sometimes trust too easily.  I certainly have, and know others have too.  We all must maintain respect.  Especially in the lifestyle.  Because we don’t know who knows who.  Try to keep clean skeletons.  And if you’ve trusted someone with information, remember……..that is a two-way street.  As far as my son goes, let’s just say I will save the baby pictures for the girl he brings home that he’s REALLY serious about.  Yeah….that will work !  LOL

peace,

Cinnamon


Goofy Me

I am: an Air Force vet, Mom, sister, friend, Lifestyler, and all-around smartass with a heart of gold. I have lived all over the far East and learned many things about people and cooking, art and true value. I like to share my experience with the rest of the world. I will be the most loyal friend or most annoying enemy you've ever known. Honest to a fault. My life has not always been easy, but it has never ever been boring.

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