Cinfulcinnamon's Blog

     Today’s post was inspired by an honor that I received from the RedHeaded Riter.  She named me as one of her Rockin Friends.  Which is a very cool thing.  Her blogs and community are a fun and warm place to be and meet others that have similar interests.   You should check her out if you get the chance at: http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com/  It also got me thinking about friends.  The people that we call friends, the folks we’d like to be our friends, and the ones that we thought were our friends only to find out different.

     Looking back, if I was to really think about all the people who I’ve met in my life, very few of them would qualify as friends.  We moved a lot when I was growing up.  Never stayed anywhere longer four years.  And that was alright with me.  I have always been mostly a loner.  I enjoyed the company of my animals a whole lot more than the company of humans.  Even when we moved from the country to the city when I was sixteen, I wasn’t worried about fitting in with the brains, or jocks, or druggies.  I was just me.  I had my own set of goals.  As soon as I was old enough to get a job, and get a car, I was headed for freedom.  Along the way, I met a few people who I would call good “acquaintances” and people who I would do things with from time to time.  But I mostly kept to myself.  It was easier for me.  I have a tendency to attract others that might not be considered “mainstream”.  The odd folks, or those with an unpleasant history.  That just needed someone to bounce their story off of.  Working for years as a bartender and bar owner pretty much sealed my fate in that regard.  I became the captive audience for all kinds of hard luck stories.  And for a very long time it also put me in the position to be used.  For my time, and my energy.  I wouldn’t say that I have an addictive personality.  But I would say that I still have a streak of gullibility in me.  And in order to protect myself, I’ve had to get harder on the outside.  Make myself less accessible to others.  And sometimes that makes me seem harsh and uncaring.  And nothing could be farther from the truth. 

     From my childhood, only two girls stand out.  Pam and Cathy.  They hated each other.  The only thing they had in common was me.  I think about them from time to time and wonder how their lives have turned out.

     There were women in the Air Force that I was friends with for short periods of time.  And I wonder how their lives changed.  Did they stay in, meet a guy or woman and get out?  Many of the decisions that I made in the military, and opportunities that I gave up were based on whatever Significant Other I had at the time.  Boy do I regret some of those mistakes.  The opportunities would have turned into something MUCH better than the relationship with the man or woman did.  Water under that preverbial bridge though.

     I have worked for many employers in my time as well.  Some I felt had my best interest at heart, others not so much.  For some, I was just a way to advance themselves and their agenda.  Sad, but another learning experience.  “What goes around….”you know the rest.

     I have friends now that mean a lot to me and I hope that they know it.  Some I haven’t talked to in months.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them.  Others that chose to turn their back on our friendship have moved on with their lives.  And although some things are for the best, there will be a little less sunshine in both of our lives without the other person there.

     Many things that I have done in my life regarding people I would never change.  Even the heartache that others have caused me, and I them was a chance to build character and learn about “the human experience”.  And just so you know that I’m not all noble and such…..there a few out there that can just plain kiss my ass! Not having my friendship in your life is your loss and not mine.

Ahhhhh…..I feel better now.  Let’s get this week movin !!!

peace,

Cinnamon