Internet Dating (not for the faint of heart)

Posted by: cinfulcinnamon on: November 20, 2016

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The mood to write has struck again! And this topic has been rolling around in my head for some time now, so I thought I’d take a stab at trying to explain my joys and frustrations with the whole idea of trying to find one’s soul mate online.

Please don’t get me wrong when I say that it’s not for the faint of heart.  But it truly isn’t some place that you’d want to get your heart-broken.  And the smallest thing can tank the possibility of meeting someone who you may actually connect with.  God knows, it’s happened to me more times than I care to think about.

There are so many things that can go wrong when you try to date from behind your computer screen.  And the dating sites don’t make it any easier than a group page on Facebook from what I’ve been able to see. I’ll try to explain what I mean.

There is a certain freedom in knowing that you can chat with or send pictures to; someone who is many miles away from you at the time of the chat or text.  You don’t have to expend any energy to get dressed and meet them.  You can sit in your pj’s and carry on any kind of conversation that you want with someone probably doing the same.  When there is no vested interest in making yourself presentable, you tend to “embellish” things.  Like your looks.  Or the way you keep your house.  What you drive, or even your employment status.  It seems to be all about that first picture that you send.  And, certainly, you want to make a good first impression.  We all do.  So you look for the picture that shows you in the best light, from the best angle, when you look your best (at least in your opinion) and you put it out there for all the world to see and judge.  Unfortunately, many people DO judge a book by its cover.  And the person that you are trying to attract may think that you always look as good as you do in that picture.  WRONG !  We all know how we look in the mornings before coffee.  And sometimes…..it’s scary.  That can lead to putting out that picture that isn’t….shall we say….the truest representation of what we really look like.

And then there are people who; for whatever reason, feel like if one or more people like the picture that they have posted, well by golly, they must want to see the next 100 or so.  These women, and yes some men too, drive me nuts.  I mean how many selfies do we really need to see?  How much attention to you need? How do you get anything done during the day with that selfie stick stuck to your hand?  But I digress.

So, let’s say you start talking to someone online or in text messages.  And you hit it off. Great right?  And you start making plans to meet.  Then you find out that you aren’t the only one that they are talking to. Not so great.  How does that make you feel?  I can answer that….oh pick me pick me !  You go from feeling special, to feeling like an option.  Maybe a “plan B”.  Or “plan C”.  That sucks.

Ok, so you’ve met someone online, you plan to meet.  You meet them halfway somewhere.  And they show up and don’t look very much like the pictures that you’ve seen.  What then?  Have you built a firm enough foundation online that it won’t be an issue?  Or you meet at a restaurant or bar, and they start to drink or smoke like it’s going out of style.  Is that a problem?  What do you say if anything?

Most of the time, the conversations that you’ve had with them in messenger or text have been about surface topics.  Just to get an idea of their thoughts.  You meet in person and find out that your religious views, or political views, or parenting views are worlds apart from yours.  Time to bail out yet?

And then, there’s my most favorite scenario.  One very close to my heart.  My broken heart that is.  You meet someone, everything is wonderful.  They look like you thought they would.  You enjoy spending time with them, and they you.  You make more plans to get together, even though they live a long distance away.  You talk every day and night.  You get more attached to them, and they to you, and you start to make plans to be together in a more permanent way.  One of you might have to move.  Pick up their life so that they can start over somewhere else.  But it will be ok.  You have this wonderful person that you’ve built a relationship with, you know they love you because they say they do.  And you know you love them. So it will all work out.  There’s just one little thing that they haven’t told you.  They met you on the internet.  And guess what?  They LOVE that internet thingy.  They love being whomever they want to be, with whomever they happen to be talking to at the time. So, you think you’re they only woman they want. NOPE !  Now what do you do?  When you know for a fact, because the other women have contacted you to tell you these lovely facts; that the person that you love, and have given up so much for, and stopped talking to other people for, is telling all these other women that you and he are just “friends”.  That you aren’t anyone special to him. Does the term “disrespected” come to mind?  Yeah, I thought it might.

But you are in love with the person, so you forgive them.  Because he says that he’ll change.  Surprise, surprise…..he doesn’t.  In fact, because you did forgive him, he’s even more bold.  And talks to even more women.  Everything else about the relationship is perfect. But when you aren’t around…..his little fingers do the walking on the keyboard.  Being the internet stud.  It’s an addiction I suppose. But sad really.  He had a good woman who loved him with all his flaws and imperfections.  And yet, she just wasn’t enough for him.  Oh well.  I hear it’s his loss.  Guess it’s time to start looking again.  I kinda think I’m going to stay a bit closer to home.  As in, keeping it in the real world.  Where people are who they say they are, and if they aren’t, you can find out a whole lot sooner.  Wish me luck.

Cinnamon