Love Makes You Stupid

Posted by: cinfulcinnamon on: July 8, 2016

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This is another of those posts that doesn’t necessarily speak to my current state of mind, but reflects some of the things that have happened in the past.  I’m currently in a relationship with someone that I really care about.  I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.  But of course, my insecurities sometimes take over and I doubt that anyone could care as deeply for me as I do them.  This has been a curse throughout my whole life.  Always doubting.  Always questioning motives.  As hard as I try, the darkness seeps into my thoughts and makes me question everything.  Is he perfect?  Oh hell no.  But I’m trying to overlook some things that scare the hell out of me.  And hope I can move past them.  But we have so much good between us, that I feel a genuine hope.  But this blog isn’t about my current situation.  I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t think I was feeling “stupid” at the moment.  At least not right now……LOL

When I say that love makes you stupid, I mean that it can blind you to things that ordinarily would stick out like a sore thumb if you saw it happening to a friend.  A man that cheats, or doesn’t respect your friend the way that you think they should, would have you fuming at the thought of her giving her time and energies to.  You say to yourself that you would NEVER be caught in a relationship like that.  That you’d send him packing at the first hint of any kind of abuse.  Abuse of any kind.  Mental, physical, you name it.  And yet; the woman in the situation doesn’t see any of it.  Or if she does, chooses to ignore it.  Sometimes it’s for the security that the man offers.  Sometimes, it is because she doesn’t want to be alone.  It’s truly amazing what we will put up with in order to be “in a relationship”.

I can speak with real authority on this matter.  I’ve done it all.  And in the process, forgotten who I really am.  What my goals were.  What I expected out of the relationship.  I don’t know that it’s a reflection of my particular “age” group, but I do see it happen more to women of my age.  As we get older, it seems that men put more demands on the women that they choose.  Whereas the women seem to lower their expectations in the men we end up with.  What the hell is that all about?  And they feel they must, because some stupid, magic number has told them that they aren’t quite as “marketable” as they were when they were younger.  What a bunch of bullshit.  I blame some of this on our culture, and what it says about how women should age.  We are expected to go through the years of menstruation, childbirth, menopause and all that…..and yet still come out of it with a firm body, shiny hair and skin, and have the sex drive of a 20 year old nymphomaniac.  Please…… None of this happens to men.  They age.  Their skin sags, they lose muscle tone, lose hair and teeth.  But that’s alright.  They are MEN !!  Yipee.  And let’s not forget the bedroom.  If they can still “get it up” after 50, it’s a miracle.  And sometimes it’s a miracle enhanced through the joys of pharmaceuticals…thank you very much.  But we are supposed to just accept that and love them, and encourage them anyway.  And feel like it’s an honor to have them.

I have done some things in my life in order to please a man that I was with that have left me shaking my head.  Some that make me want to slap my deceased Mother.  Because she raised all of us on how to treat a man.  I’ve been married more than a couple of times.  And I can promise you, that not a single “ex” can bad-mouth me on the kind of wife I was.  They were spoiled so rotten that it was pathetic.  And in doing so, I have given up opportunities that were presented to me in my educational and career life that would have left me way better off than I am now I can tell you.  They were supported and cared for so that they could pursue their career goals. And it was done in the hope that I was contributing to our future together.  I was willing to pick up and move, to let job offers go, to cancel travel plans, and spend endless amounts of money so that I could “please my man”.  Funny thing.  They all have their retirements now.  and I will be working until they throw dirt in my face.  Stupid, stupid, stupid. But enough about me…..again.

I can only write this from the perspective of a woman.  I could try that self-identifying as a man thing, but I don’t think it will work.  But I have had many friends that are men, and I do know and understand that the knife cuts both ways.  There are men that have been treated like shit by women that they have worshipped and adored.  I know that.  I’ve tried to console male friends that have been used and abused by selfish women.  There is plenty of blame to go around.  I just wish that I’d been lucky enough to run into one of those men that wants to worship and adore me.  That would be great !!!

The Golden Rule sometimes doesn’t seem to apply in relationships of the heart.  But it should.  I know couples that I honestly envy for what they have.  They are a team.  They work together to make their relationship grow and last through all kinds of ups and downs.  I want that.  I really do.  Maybe someday.  but in the meantime, I’m really really going to try to be LESS stupid.  I’m going to do what’s best for me.  And we all should try to.  In the end, it’s just like the old cliche’ says…..You can’t love anyone else, until you love yourself first.  Or some such romantic crap !!

peace,

Cinnamon